Survive the Above's Attack

[philforhockey51 4,220]

I notice I wasn't followed down there but as the engine's light blares down on me I see the stranger again. I decide to chase him down, ever faster until we hit the tunnels end, he disappears in the blinding daylight, I dive out of the way of the train. As I get up I notice him standing at my side, its clear now, he's my shadow.  

 

As I turn to walk away, feeling embarrassed by the moment, I don't notice my shadow lurk away and attach itself to you! No good will come of this shadow, what will you do?

[NMUSpidey 3,956]

My shadow, offended by this development, chokes the life out of the intruding shadow and leaves its cold, lifeless body on the pavement.  It won't be bothering anyone else ever again.

 

It literally begins raining acid, a consequence of not paying Dr. Evil his $1,000,000.  There is nowhere to run, all the buildings and trees are melting, too.

[Odainsaker 2,137]

"Oh noes, it's the end...what a world, what a world..."will somebody not save me?" I weepily cry.

 

As all looks lost, Taguchi Junnosuke of KAT-TUN appears, holding high his Limited Collector's Edition Specially Autographed KAT-TUN Wakasa.

 

"Iriguchi, Deguchi, Taguchi desu!"

Nothing, not even the nastiest, most caustic acid rain, can dissolve the brilliant smiling radiance of Taguchi, let alone the J-Pop-Powered Collector's Edition KAT-TUN Umbrella. As Junno holds the wonderous wakasa over me, the other J-Pop fangirls nearby hiss and glare in bitter envy, but then they all melt away in the acid rain, and so I am not fazed by their jealousy one bit.

- "Ano, Junno-kun...it's just you and me left, but isn't this umbrella perhaps a little too small for the both of us?"

- "We'll just have to squeeze even closer together underneath *wink wink*..."

 

Eeeeeeeep, Squeal!

 

 

Dr. Evil is not a J-pop fan, and, rolling his eyes, triggers the trapdoor dropping you into the shark tank. Thrashing within the sealed water tank are you, a drowning Junno, the skeleton of UN weapons inspector Hans Blix, and several very large and very hungry tiger sharks. Whatever will you do?

  Edited June 24, 2015 by Odainsaker  

[RipRap 4,400]

ご覧ください。

1. Stay calm

2. Sharks won't bite unless you look like a seal or a big fish, so act human.

3. Swim.

You didn't know how to split and use chopsticks. They don't have any other utensils for you to use, and there are no guides to be found because your internet connection is very bad. There are no books now instructions, and you have been very weak to split things. What would you do?

[airman15 4,113]

Being the American that I am, I will take that plate and shovel everything down the hatch!  

 

You are driving down the Pacific Coast Highway going almost twice the speed limit and you blow a tire. Your car then veers from side-to-side before crashing through a safety rail and over a cliff. How will you get out of this?

[Prophet42 1,503]

I simply push the panic button and a parachute pops out othe trunk and the car safely and gently floats to the ground.

 

You're walking down the street and don't see the wormhole...suddenly you are teleported back in time into the middle of a T-Rex nest.  The mother T-Rex looks at you and thinks..'SNACK TIME.!!!!

[BLANKBLANK 4,414]

I step back through the wormhole vortex and return back to the present.

 

Now you have been avoiding taxes and I send in the IRS to get your money.

[NMUSpidey 3,956]

I whip out my card and give them all the money they could ever want, because it's a magical card.  They're so grateful that they buy me a gold-plated Rolls Royce and we drive off together into the sunset, me and my new best friends the IRS guys.

 

Your computer sprouts legs and begins shouting obscenities at you while brandishing a gun.  I'm pretty sure it's getting ready to kill you.

[Ganaram Inukshuk 906]

Quickly slam the side panel back on and wait for my computer to overheat itself to submission. If that fails, run behind a wall. My computer's connected to so many things that it couldn't walk three feet without dragging everything else with it, including my two monitors, my speakers (one of which is wrapped around my bed frame), the modem (which is under my bed), and the battery backup. Ultimately it's all connected to a wall, so that's the remaining limiting factor left. Oh, and the battery backup's cable is wrapped around a table.

 

So my computer will either die by overheating or by entanglement, likely entanglement. Then I can just go to the circuit breaker and turn off the whole house.

 

Solar flare headed your way. What do?

[Skimbo 304]

Be happy that I life on earth - far away! Maybe read about it in a science-magazine a few days later.

 

 

 

A drunken haze made you "be able to do everything" .... but you weren't. You stole a small plane from a local airport to fly visit one of your friends. Sadly, you crashed it. In the middle of the australian desert. Radio doesn't work.

[RipRap 4,400]

Walk in all directions, no sooner or later you will arrive in Perth (West), Darwin (North), Melbourne (South) and other cities in the East. Also luckily for you aborigines are willing to help you.

In commemoration of the 400th anniversary of the Siege of Osaka:

You are a young daimyo lord who had messed up the previous winter campaign due to alcohol. You had managed to anger your lord for not being able to finish your assigned tasks and you were looking for redemption (and the appeasement of your lord) in the summer campaign. So you had signed up to be at the very front of the battle. Before the battle, you had been drinking again and was a little hungover at the beginning of the battle. Adding to the mix was that the terrain against your advantage, and the improper use of firearms by your soldiers are not helping with the attack. You then went on a cavalry charge but the other side had their firearms ready and the soldiers ready for the attack. You need to survive the onslaught of attack by the other forces and get to the objective so you can appease your lord.

(Be realistic as possible)

[philforhockey51 4,220]

(ok I'm gonna give this a go)

 

Prior to the charge I commanded the guns to follow, telling them to start to file into a column as the shots are fired to limit damage from the incoming barrage. This column will follow the cavalry which was also commanded to form a column after the shots are taken. The cloud of white smoke blinds the enemy from the movements in formation. Many horses go down with their riders but a strong column forms. Speed is increased as the charge nears the enemies lines, the enemy still fumbling to reload fail to notice the attack is concentrated in one area. A thunderous roar comes from the crash of the horses breaking through the lines, that section in the middle towards the right is overwhelmed before many shots could be fired. Our guns having come closer under the cover of the cavalry's charge and the smoke began firing on the right beyond the edge of the breach.Their shots are much more accurate with better position and many enemies go down. Enemy guns fire but in the confusion a majority miss as they are unaware of the new formation, and as this happens a small clan of Ronin, loyal to me, take advantage of the time it takes to reload and attack the remaining flank. The last of the enemy forces retreat to deeper defenses, victory...for now

 

The Ronin are once again restless and itching for a fight, they embark on their own to find more fighting, but find themselves setting up a secret alliance. The years have passed but the group is still strong, and now you've been mistaken for an enemy. They are coming for you what do you do?

[airman15 4,113]

Offer them my strongest alcoholic beverages and turn the situation into a party! 

 

You have been sealed in a pine box and buried 6 feet under dirt that's been compressed. And it's already been proven that the Kill Bill coffin punch is impossible. And in an hour you will pass out from a lack of breathable air. What will you do?

[Dazzyls 576]

With my phone, I hire some construction workers and they go digging untill they find me. Unfortunately for them, I won't have money to pay them.

 

You are put in jail and you have done something very bad, so they put you in a room small, with a tv you can't turn off and you have to watch the whole Twilight saga again and again. The door doesn't have a window, so asking the guard for keys won't work.

[Terring 6,476]

I'm not alone. My honorable battle brothers, the Space Marines, are coming to rescue me. For the Emperor!

 

Tyranids are invading to your planet. How you'll deal with this situation?

[piercing_arrow 76]

I shall move to Mars, or better yet, Alternate Earth
 

The fabric of space-time has been torn, and there are no sewing needles of which to patch it.. What do you do?

[Odainsaker 2,137]

Can you...reverse the polarity...?

"The singularity is about to explode"..."the fabric of space-time has been torn"...it's all the same thing in the end for our audiences!  Weapons at maximum!

Maybe reversing the polarity wasn't the best thing to do, as the resulting subspace temporal inversion has fundamentally altered the space-time continuum.  After some funky television special effects, you are your crew groggily awaken back on Earth--a drastically changed Earth:  Hitler and the Nazis have won the war, und now, instead of Starfleet, das Oberkommando der galaktische Reichsflotte plans interstellar genocide, and you are first on their list.

"Damnit Jim, what do we do NOW?"

 

 

  Edited June 24, 2015 by Odainsaker  

[philforhockey51 4,220]

I'll become the best driver on earth and win the death race.

 

How do you avoid being a target in the race?

 

 

 

  Edited September 10, 2015 by philforhockey51  

[airman15 4,113]

I'm Peter Perfect in the Turbo Terrific! I can't lose because you're always behind me!

You saw the incident with D.B Cooper. You do exactly what he did. You threatened my 727 with a bomb to force a landing, traded hostages for cash and then after ordering me back airborne you opened the airstairs and jumped out (at 35,000 ft) with the cash. But there's one small problem. You forgot your parachute! What are you going to do with the ground approaching fast?

[Prophet42 1,503]

I aim for that large haystack which simply diffuses all that kinetic energy.  I walk away with only minor scratches.

You are driving down the interstate when and EF5 tornado crosses your path.  You are sucked up into the tornado and are spun around with 250 mph winds.  What to do !??

[Terring 6,476]

Rainbow Dash to the rescure!

 

Nighmare Moon is back and threats to bring the eternal night on Earth, killing all kind of lifeforms -including humans- because of the lack of sunlight. How will you stop her?

[Odainsaker 2,137]

This was a hard one.  Left with no other choice, I pull out the Big Guns...

Quack quack...I summon you, Tackey & Tsubasa Dakinatsu Uchiwa Power!

Tackey!  Tsubasa!  Hubba Hubba Kakkoii...

Nightmare Moon blushes with such radiance that the threatened eternal night is cast away by the sheer luminous beauty of her squealing delight.  Mabushii...Behold, the omnipotent J-pop power of the Ultimate Tackey & Tsubasa Uchiwa Fan!  The Earth is saved!  Quack quack.

Uesugi Kenshin is not amused at this ridiculous debasement of ancient samurai culture into the drivel of kawaii boyband fandom.  Charging across the battlefield atop his powerful steed, the warlord Dragon of Echigo swiftly cuts through your last defending ranks of ashigaru soldiers to your lone encampment.  As his horse rears in victorious fury, the War God Kenshin raises his sword for the killing blow that will seal your total, ignominious defeat.  Your neck tingles with the visceral horror that you will soon be beheaded after you realize that your only defense in hand is a paper fan with two shirtless pop singers printed on it...ack, quack, quack, what do you do?

 

[Skimbo 304]

He calls himself a dragon. Luckily, I'm a real one >shapeshift.

Althrough it was quite annoying to repair all that burnt down furniture of my palace and remove several coal-colored things in samurai armor, it was definitivele worth it.
Later that day I enjoy some lasagna. Enough horses around for that!

 

 

You just went down to get some coockies at seven eleven. Sadly, some creepy guys enter the place to rob it. As a nearby cop comes by and orders theese guys to surrender, they take you hostage. A few hours later and a few cops more, the thing alerady became a stressy standoff and minds start to getcrazy. Upcoming shootout alert!

 

 

 

[philforhockey51 4,220]

No bullets are fired as with some thought and patience for the right moment, my captor is subdued. Like so...

 

You don't notice as a rat with a ticking time bomb crawls it's way under your chair.

[Odainsaker 2,137]

I get up from my chair to peer over the strategic maps around the conference table and berate my incompetent generals.  "Why have we only advanced this far into Russia?  Why must I look at halted positions still at the middle of the map, when I should be victoriously looking over Moskau there at the end of the table?  Ach, it's too hot in here, someone open the windows for some freaking air!"

KABOOM!!!

The incompetent generals are blown to pieces, but the bulk of the heavy conference table shields me from the blast, while the open windows reduces the explosive compression.  Had I been closer to the end of the table, I might not have survived...perhaps not having advanced deeply enough towards Moskau was a good thing!  Still, the traitors will pay!

.

.

.

The campaign for Moskau did not go as expected.  Soviet shells rain thunderously down upon the bunker, while Russian troops fully overrun Berlin's city center.  Everyone has failed you, everyone has betrayed you, and now, to the horror of your remaining generals, everyone will go down with you.  In delirium in the bunker, you finally admit that the war is lost, and you know that they are coming for you!

[Thin White Duke 4,072]

I bring out my dental floss and scrub the bars on the cell door for dear life (quite literally) in a faint attempt of escape that ends up actually working. I crawl through the unbearable odour of the sewers for what must be days, feeding on rats, before finally making my way to the sewer exit. I stand victoriously in the relentless rainstorm, looking up at the sky in disbelief of my survival.

 

A lego has ended up on your kitchen floor and you're on your way to get a glass of milk in the middle of the night.

  Edited August 11, 2015 by __B  

[philforhockey51 4,220]

Eye's barely open walking along barefoot then           that's delay in pain, slow processing of pain, screaming in pain, crying in pain

 

Child builds giant Lego monster, monster gets hit by lightning, does not melt as expected but comes to life, and is running down the street towards you.

[Skimbo 304]

Leopard 2A6 and some rounds of Ammo for it's L55.

 

 

You sit in a Canoe, got nothing on you and are right HERE

 

 

 

  Edited August 13, 2015 by Skimbo  

[Thin White Duke 4,072]

You missed every shot. The canoe got stranded on the rocks and someone called the firefighters to come rescue me.

You're surrounded by my army of Chuck Terminorris robots and their assignment is to obliterate you. Your jetpack has run out of fuel and you've dropped your laser gun.

[Prophet42 1,503]

Luckily I have my USB stick and download a virus which quickly renders all the robots inoperable.

You are out exploring on Mars miles away from base when a surprise dust storm kicks up and a rock smashes into your spacesuit helmet and leaves a gaping hole.