Queensferry ---> WINNING

[BuggUla 405]

Chapter 20: An Unbiased Perspective

QueensMedia Group, LLC, the most reliable news and information source ever devised, is providing an accurate and unbiased look at recent events in the western Warpath Satrapy. Other, biased and inferior media outlets have portrayed recent events as some sort of unwarranted aggression by Queensferry. Nothing could be further from the truth! It is important to get the truth out and to counter the slanderous, blasphemous words of a wicked and corrupt enemy. Here’s the true story of what happened at the border of the Warpath Satrapy and how our innocent Happiness Ambassadors were brutally attacked…

One fine spring day, some of our newly appointed Happiness Ambassadors left our Model City on a peaceful stroll in the rolling countryside. They stopped to enjoy the scenery on this fine day and looked forward to providing some happiness to the miserable natives of this land. Perhaps a lovely conversation over some Onimay Tea and crumpets? Those poor creatures still have not joined us and still fear our greatness. Our Happiness Ambassadors are here to say “We love you!” It is time to welcome them to Queensferry’s love and greatness.

How sad their existence must be, free of the love and devotion that only BuggUla can provide. They will never know victory. They will never know love. They will never know joy. Until at last they have come into BuggUla’s welcoming arms, embraced by the all consuming peace and tranquility of life in Queensferry. Oh, how to help these poor misguided creatures…

And suddenly, as our Happiness Ambassadors stopped to help a little old lady cross the street, a savage band of feline soldiers descended upon them. Their desperate attempt to hurt the old lady could not of course be tolerated. So, a Travel Assurance Coordinator was on hand to protect her

Travel Assurance Coordinator Stingum takes pride in being helpful to peaceful and loving groups as they travel about the countryside.

Such savagery from the natives is not unexpected. One could expect just about anything from a militant nation like them, bent on the destruction of all that is good and right. Why, without our valiant struggle for freedom, who knows what their invasion force would have done? Luckily, our group of Happiness Ambassadors was able to help the little old lady across the street, despite coming under enemy fire from several positions.

As our Happiness Ambassadors pleased for mercy for the little old lady, one of their trained commando cows kicked over a lantern and started a fire. Most likely in hopes of incinerating our peaceful group.

Our skilled group tried to put out the flames, but the flapping of wings seemed only to fuel the flames.

Unless of course the enemy was bombing the city, which of course they were.

Their ferocity and mercilessness is truly reprehensible.

Can you believe that as we sent our brave friends into buildings to conduct rescues, the enemy lobbed grenades at us? Truly outrageous!

Only those who do not know the blissful love of Queensferry could be capable of such evil acts.

Truly diabolical.

Despite the brutal attack, over 20 beetles and dozens of crickets were saved. All hail our valiant heroes!

Luckily, we were able to call in air support to whisk the rescued victims away from this terrible tragic scene.

We are so thankful to BuggUla for protecting us against such evil. All hail BuggUla! Death to all! All hail victory! Death to all! All hail Queensferry! Death to all!

No doubt many a friendly locust was injured in this terrible assault. Their loss shall not go unavenged!

Seeing such scenes of horror, it is impossible to believe anyone can doubt the virtue of the Queensferry forces and the urgent need for our liberation of these tortured lands.

Witness it! The world must see the truth! Innocent Queensferry outreach groups are brutally attacked by uncivilized forces. See the destruction they caused. They are evil. They must be vanquished. Avenge. Avenge! AVENGE!!!

We cannot falter in our quest for victory. Such lawlessness cannot continue. Thankfully, BuggUla has heard your concerns about the plight of those in the Warpath Satrapy, and it is ready to help. All hail victory! Death to all! All hail Queensferry! Death to all!

Back home in our beloved homeland, word of the atrocities committed against us is spreading. Like all in the civilized world, they rely on QueensMedia Group to provide them their news and information.

And in an unrelated coincidence, the Transoceanic Happiness Ambassadors Association has increased its weapons purchasing by 50%. What a fabulous piece of good news for the economy. Of course, our economy is perfect already. But leave it to BuggUla to improve on perfection.

All hail BuggUla! Death to all! All hail victory! Death to all! All hail Queensferry! Death to all!

  Edited July 6, 2011 by BuggUla  

[Hester 699]

What a good lesson in propaganda! Totally twisted from the real truth. You need to down a flask of Oil of Onimay yourselves. Hope you choke.

[NMUSpidey 3,956]

Why can I only think of that old Starship Troopers movie? "Would you like to know more?" Am I the only one? I can't be the only one.

Also, looking for retribution in the shape of a giant flyswatter .

[Benedict 3,119]

I love happiness! (I am loved!)

[BuggUla 405]

LIVE from the news center is our reporter, Tommy Flanagan. Take it away, Tommy.

Reports in from the western front in the Warpathy Satrapy indicate that several of our helicopters and tanks have been damaged in a hailstorm. Yeah, that's it... a hailstorm. Yeah. the hail was as big as marb... golf b... baseballs. Yeah, that's it... baseballs. The hail came down fast and furious... like a shower of ice. That's it... that's the ticket. Unfortunately, some of the hailstones punctured one gas tank, resulting in a fire.

We are of course undefeated... and always will be. All hail victory! Death to all! All hail Queensferry! Death to all! All hail BuggUla! Death to all!

[Hester 699]

Um, yeah Riiiiiight.

[Dumanios 35]

Hail cause a tank to catch on fire. Seems Legit.

[BuggUla 405]

Hester Your support is as always treasured, just as your love you us is. That is why we love you!

Hester What a lovely thought! How very kind of you to offer us some delicious and refreshing Oil of Onimay. That is just what we needed to give us the energy to plan our next attack. We love you!!!

NMUSpidey Retribution? There is only one thing sweeter than that… victory. All hail victory! Death to all! All hail Queensferry! Death to all! We love you.

Benedict As well you should. And we still love you. Hee hee hee! Hee hee hee!

Hester Trust us! After all, we love you. <3

Dumanios You are wise. Would you like some new Onimay Ripple ice cream to help chase away the summer heat? It is our treat to you…. Because we love you!

  Edited June 14, 2011 by BuggUla  

[Hester 699]

Boy oh boy Buggula...you sure have my intentions all twisted up..like you.

[Messenth 5]

But, Bugg-whateveritwas, have you considered the opinion of the UN? If your tyranny goes on, most of the rest of the Earth shall be forced to squash your feeble war efforts under their feet.

*-brainwashed by onimay-*

DISREGARD THE ANTI-BUGGULA PROPAGANDA ABOVE!!!

THE MAYOR OF MOKANESVILLE IS HAPPY TO PROVIDE QUEENSFERRY WITH ANY SUPPLIES AND RAW MATERIALS FROM OUR NEW GIGANTIC DICKINSON HI-TECH INDUSTRIAL FACILITY!!!!!!!!!

*-is high off special onimay concoction-*

hee hee. *shakes* ha ha.

  Edited June 14, 2011 by xlc_2020  

[Loney 22]

Um...

If your tanks can be damaged and one of them set on fire by hails...

That also means they can be destroyed with small arms fire, or with sledgehammers.

You're engineers or construction workers did a very poor job on designing/building such vehicles.

I'm fairly sure a WWI era Mark IV tank would have a better chance of not bursting into flames because a chunk of ice somehow managed to puncture the fuel tank and ignite the fuel.

  Edited June 14, 2011 by Loney  

[Messenth 5]

*-brainwashing over-*

I must say, Buggula, You couldn't have done much more to make the lie more obvious. marbl-golf bal- etc. that's very very obvious.

Also, isn't the fuel tank protected by armor? That means either the hail was actually pelt from giant armor piercing rounds or the tank's made of plasticine.

[Loney 22]

*-brainwashing over-*

I must say, Buggula, You couldn't have done much more to make the lie more obvious. marbl-golf bal- etc. that's very very obvious.

Also, isn't the fuel tank protected by armor? That means either the hail was actually pelt from giant armor piercing rounds or the tank's made of plasticine.

There are some tanks were you can attach external fuel tanks (such as the T-34), but they're only meant to supplement the primary fuel tank for long distance travel and not for combat purposes. Nowadays, I don't think many modern tanks support that feature as it would be very easy for the enemy to blown up the fuel tanks.

Even if the external fuel tanks were punctured, it would be extremely unlikely that ice chunks could ignite the fuel.

  Edited June 15, 2011 by Loney  

[Messenth 5]

*-brainwashing over-*

I must say, Buggula, You couldn't have done much more to make the lie more obvious. marbl-golf bal- etc. that's very very obvious.

Also, isn't the fuel tank protected by armor? That means either the hail was actually pelt from giant armor piercing rounds or the tank's made of plasticine.

There are some tanks were you can attach external fuel tanks (such as the T-34), but they're only meant to supplement the primary fuel tank for long distance travel and not for combat purposes. Nowadays, I don't think many modern tanks support that feature as it would be very easy for the enemy to blown up the fuel tanks.

Even if the external fuel tanks were punctured, it would be extremely unlikely that ice chunks could ignite the fuel.

1. I would assume Buggula uses modern models..

2. I agree. I don't see any plausible way for a chunk of frozen water to set fire to tank fuel.

[Schulmanator 5,787]

Of course, you may want to check [here] to see another perspective about what happened with the tanks...

[Messenth 5]

Of course, you may want to check [here] to see another perspective about what happened with the tanks...

I see. I would think rockets and cannonballs would manage to ignite fuel. Remind me to never trust Queensferry news again.

[Hester 699]

Queensferry news is simply propaganda!!

[Loney 22]

Queensferry news is simply propaganda!!

Has there been a day where it wasn't a propaganda?...

[Hester 699]

you're right about that, Loney!

[BuggUla 405]

Talk about victory!!!

Check out #3! And check out #5.

ALL HAIL VICTORY! DEATH TO ALL! ALL HAIL QUEENSFERRY! DEATH TO ALL! ALL HAIL BUGGULA! DEATH TO ALL!

[Hester 699]

Yea!!

[NMUSpidey 3,956]

This makes me wonder how the scores are tallied. I dropped out of the +10!

[BuggUla 405]

The truth is out! Two weeks in a row!

All hail victory! Queensferry is triumphant! The tide has turned!

Hee hee hee! Hee Hee hee!

[BuggUla 405]

Hester You sound addled. Perhaps a nice soothing cup of Onimay tea with ulaberry crumpets would help? We will bring some straightaway. After all, we love you!

Xlc_2020 UN?Ha! They will cower in the shadow of the triumphant BuggUla! But, we love you!

Loney It will take more than ice to defeat us. We love you! All hail victory! Death toall! All hail Queensferry! Death to all!

Xlc_2020 Thank you for your concern for our innocent Happiness Ambassadors. We love you for your kindness. Please join us for a slice of Uncle John’s famous homemade seven layer “apple” cake to celebrate our friendship.

Loney There may be additional factors not deemed worthy of inclusion in the initial report.We love your attention to detail… and we love you! Hee hee hee! Hee hee hee!

Xlc_2020 The cake is ready… come on over. We <3 U!

Schulmanator We detect the hapless cries of the jealous and defeated…

Xlc_2020 Don’t fall for these blatant pro-feline lies! Remember… we love you!

Hester That’s the best kind of news. All hail victory! Death to all! All hail BuggUla! Death to all! We <3 U!

Loney Who would want that?! We love our great media, as we love you! Hee hee hee! Hee heehee!

Hester Still addled? Tea and “crumpets” are now served. You will love them, as we love you.

Hester That’s the spirit! Hee hee hee! Hee hee hee! We <3 U!

NMUSpidey Need the path to victory? Turn to us. We will assimilate Port Matthew and BuggUla will take its rightful place as leader… and then the butt kickin’ will begin. All hail victory! Death to all! All hail Queensferry! Death to all! We <3 U!

  Edited June 27, 2011 by BuggUla  

[Hester 699]

BuggUla you are addled!!!

[BuggUla 405]

Chapter 21: A Clever New Idea

All hail BuggUla! Death to all! All hail victory! Death to all! All hail Queensferry! Death to all! As many know from watching the ever-reliable QueensMedia news reports, our Happiness Ambassadors have not been as well received by the felines as they should be.

What’s not to love??!!!

When word of losses in the Warpath Satrapy come back to Queensferry, someone would have to pay. Despite taking the town and destroying it, our military sustained unacceptable losses. A group of top military leaders headed to headquarters to answer for this ineptitude.

All were summarily executed for failure to deliver sufficiently overwhelming victory. Their carcasses have been impaled on pikes and put on display around the capital as a warning to others who may consider inadequacy to be acceptable.

BuggUla polled the remaining officers for suggestions on how to amplify future victories. Lt. Col. Gadfly suggested some strategic bombings. Col. Mo Skeeter wanted missile strikes. Lord Smirque of Accolade had the final word – he wanted to do “something fun”. His plan, which was immediately approved, called for rigging explosive devices and having agents deliver them to key sites in enemy territory. The ensuing mayhem would be perfect for softening defenses for a final assault.

Special Forces teams were selected from the elite RoboFly Battalion. Their mission, deliver these into enemy territory without being detected.

And woe to the ones who open these cans of explosives! Hee hee hee! Hee hee hee! All hail victory! Death to all! All hail BuggUla! Death to all! All hail Queensferry! Death to all!

[Loney 22]

I was expecting Oil of Onimay and Uncle John’s famous homemade seven layer “apple” cake to be in the garbage cans.

Oh, wait...

[Munchiez 74]

I read this thing....now I am like.... o.0

[Hester 699]

how in the world can BuggUla think the feline Nation will be taken in by that!!!

[NMUSpidey 3,956]

Hm, assimilation isn't Port Matthew's style...