The Simtropolis Closet Thread - deux!

[astronelson 339]

I daresay we have a winner of "fewest no. of posts between joining and coming out"!

[Muck308 55]

Was that really a coming-out? He could have been out long before he joined the site.

I understand what you are getting at, iiiset, but I'm not sure I agree entirely. Although, my opinions of the homosexual community can't really have all that much validity, I think, because I just haven't been exposed to enough of it. I have had a few gay acquaintances, but never any close friends that were homosexual. So the only exposure I have is what I read about or see on TV and such. If I went by that information alone, I would have to conclude to some things many of you would likely disagree with.

Let me give you an example. A good friend of mine recently bought a house, but for the three years prior to that, he had an apartment down the street from me. His upstairs neighbors were a gay couple. Two guys in their 40's, give or take a year. The best word to describe these two gentlemen would have to be "jerks." They used to blast gay porn on their big screen tv, at full volume with the windows open... curtain-less windows. (they were on the second floor, but Pittsburgh is hilly. Your second floor my be the same height as your neighbor across the street's first. As in was the case with the house across form them, my buddy's dad's house.) We all use to hang out on his porch, but having that type of material forced down your throat is sobering. After that, they took to having relations in front of that window... the same curtain-less window. Now I'm a big boy and I know grown men do that, but that doesn't make it appropriate, especially in a neighborhood with lots of kids, regardless of your sexual orientation.

Myself, my friend, his wife, his father, and countless other neighbors were accused of "not liking gays" because of the way we absolutely despised their lack of etiquette. None of us had any problem with who they were, just what they were doing... and not even so much that, but the manner in which they did what they did.

Now, let me tie this all together. Like I said before about books and TV, I think many gays are portrayed as "in your face" types who wish to enlighten old-fashioned conservatives by doing whatever is needed to cause a shock. If a gay person feels discriminated against while they are just minding their own business, then sure, some harsh or shocking words might be well-suited for the situation. But the way my friend's neighbors choose to march into the neighborhood, doing all but shouting the fact that they were gay and we had better get used to it, was childish. Anyway, that type of behavior has unfortunately become something I associate with many homosexuals. Luckily, I understand the fact that a few bad apples don't have to ruin the bunch, but unlearning the aforementioned association has been difficult. Seeing gays who wish to feed off of presumed hatred that may or may not even exist in the first place seems like pure disorder to me.

To be honest, I worked my way into the forums slowly. I had always assumed "The ST Closet" was a place where everyone discussed skeletons in the closet.

Ok... laugh it up and get it out of your system...

Finally one day I click on this thread, and I'm like, holy crap, everyone is gay here at ST! A lot anyway. I peruse the thread from time to time and occasionally post in it, but reading this thread has helped to destroy stereotypes that I have learned. That is important I think, because being tolerant of others isn't enough. We need to love eachother, at least in some aspect of the word, if we are ever going to make this world a better place for our children. So in the end, maybe I do agree with you, iiiset. Some people are more suited for specific tasks than others, and it just may be the queers who save mankind from itself!

Okay, that's me just being a suck up, but you may be on to something there, iiiset.

[iiiset 0]

"I don't think it's nuts."

YES!

"eloquent, well spoken, and true"

thank you. don't know about true, but i try to say weighty things that make people think, even if they aren't strictly true.

"I daresay we have a winner of "fewest no. of posts between joining and coming out"!"

hahah! victory is mine, for now. i'm sure somebody will do it on post 1 someday.

"Was that really a coming-out? He could have been out long before he joined the site."

As, I presume, a straight folk, you may not realize that when you're queer, it sometimes feels like you spend your whole life coming out over and over again.

"I understand what you are getting at, iiiset, but I'm not sure I agree entirely."

of course not! zelgadis flattered me by saying otherwise, but my idea is completely crazy...

"That is important I think, because being tolerant of others isn't enough. We need to love eachother, at least in some aspect of the word, if we are ever going to make this world a better place for our children."

thank you for helping to make simtropolis a place for utopians!

[Chptrk 86]

Well, I'm pretty sure a few of my friends are suspecting something. They wont admit it of course, but I think they have an idea. Not sure how I feel about that exactly. I've thought about telling a few people (cousin, dad, 2 best friends, other cousin, another friend) and decided against all of those. Just me, my mom, and whoever is reading this. Yay...sorta.

That's my comment for today!

[Barbarossa 51]

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  Edited September 1, 2012 by Barbarossa  

[astronelson 339]

And while it doesn't really count for all that much, we're here for you.

[Shadow Assassin 336]

...what Astro said.

As for what Barbarossa said: he's right. True friends will stick with you because they appreciate you for who you are, whether you be gay, straight or bi. It's best to come clean, but do it one-on-one - that way you can take your time telling them.

[Chptrk 86]

One-on-one? I'm not so sure how exactly I could do that. But then again, I'm not sure how I'd tell anyone in the first place. I was thinking about telling my best friends on New Years, but wasn't so sure how they'd react. I had chances, I was just too afraid to take them. Another friend of mine, I've let into my love of anime characters more then anyone else I know in RL, so I was thinking about leading up to it. Of course, didn't happen.

I'm pretty sure I'll tell my best friends soon, while joking once he got a little more serious and said how he didn't care what kind of stuff I was into. So I'm pretty sure they wouldn't take it badly. But I think I'd tell them at the same time, it's not often when only 2 of us are together.

If/when I work up the courage to, I'll let you guys know how it goes.

[Zelgadis 638]

1)  If you think they suspect, they probably do.

2)  Choose the ones you're reasonably certain won't make a scene to come out to first.  The friend who said he "doesn't care what kind of stuff you're into" is probably a good start.  

3)  From my own experience, the best way to do it is not to muck about too much.  Wait for the situation to be comfortable and say something like, "If we could be serious for a minute, there's something I want to tell you."  Wait for the response (something like "okay.") and then out with it.  (This way works for me.  I don't like dragging things out.)

Or, if you're the type who prefers to make an "appointment," so to speak, about it, then do it that way.  Whatever's comfortable to you.  

I'll tell you this much at least:  "leading up to it" doesn't work.  Why?  It never happens and then it turns into an excuse.  "Well," you think, "we never lead up to it.  Maybe next time."  Next time will never happen.  

ISF

 

[Livin in Sim 83]

Originally posted by: Chptrk

...If/when I work up the courage to, I'll let you guys know how it goes.

quote>

Well, my first post in the closet.  I am straight, female, BTW.

But I wanted to share a bit about coming out, from the come out-ee's perspective.  I have a circle of friends whom I have known since high school/college.  (Those of you who know me, know that was "before the dawn of time".  )  Two of the guys are best friends from grade school age.  About five years ago, one of the guys, whom I'll call "Ren" finally came out to the other.  The other guy, whom I'll call "Stimpy" was quite amazed.  (I know I should have picked anime character names, but I don't know any, sorry.  )  Stimpy had suspected Ren was gay, but figured, naw, he must be wrong, because surely he would have told him after knowing him for 30+ years??  Ren was in Stimpy's wedding, etc, etc.  But he was right!

I understand Ren wanted to tell Stimpy soon after he knew, but fear of Stimpy's reaction stopped him.  Stimpy thinks that was silly, because Ren is still Ren, gay or not.  Stimpy would basically do anything for him.  He did feel strangely out of the loop, to not have known this key piece of info.  So at that point, the "not telling" was more of a test of the friendship than the actual "being gay" would have been.  Their friendship stayed strong, tho.

The only reason I know this, is that Stimpy has told me.    Stimpy was in my wedding, etc, etc.  He needed to share, I guess.  Ren hasn't come out to the rest of us...yet.  I understand how it must be very hard.  But we still love him--he is a great guy; a great gay guy isn't any less great to us.  At least this is how I feel.   I haven't asked any others of the group, because I don't think they know.  (Unlike Stimpy, I can keep these things to myself.   )  But we go way back, so I can't imagine any other reaction from the guys or gals.  I only hope I don't accidentally spill the beans and out him to the rest of the group myself.    So this is why maybe you are right to tell them together. 

Maybe this is a strange example, but hopefully it will help in some small way.  I'm glad your mom knows; yay for moms!

[Shadow Assassin 336]

On the flip side, though, you can have a situation where someone you have known for a long time doesn't believe you when you do finally come out to them...

I don't know what I'd do in a situation like that (actually, it's happened to me with my best friend) - he isn't quite comfortable with the fact that I like guys. He's the same with another friend of mine - she likes girls... It's like he's been caught off-guard, a preconception of someone's been thrown out of the window, and he's got to deal with it.

Some say it might be an unacceptable reaction... but... it can be a bit of an issue when you do finally come out to someone and they're like "You're kidding, aren't you. You've always been straight.".

[Livin in Sim 83]

Originally posted by: Shadow_Assassin

On the flip side, though, you can have a situation where someone you have known for a long time doesn't believe you when you do finally come out to them...

I don't know what I'd do in a situation like that (actually, it's happened to me with my best friend) - he isn't quite comfortable with the fact that I like guys. He's the same with another friend of mine - she likes girls... It's like he's been caught off-guard, a preconception of someone's been thrown out of the window, and he's got to deal with it.

Some say it might be an unacceptable reaction... but... it can be a bit of an issue when you do finally come out to someone and they're like "You're kidding, aren't you. You've always been straight.".quote>

A major change in how you are perceived that is met with denial, wow, that's gotta be the toughest of the possible reactions.  At least he expressed it to you, and didn't pretend to accept.  Denial can be a defense mechanism to big change.  "He's not really gay, it's just a phase..."; "My husband isn't having an affair...", etc.  I wonder if your friend will go through the anger, bargaining, depression, that can be the stages of finally reaching acceptance?  "Stimpy" had suspected, so do you suppoose he went through denial when he thought he was wrong?  I should ask him.  I know he struggled with it a bit, over the time he didn't know.

[Shadow Assassin 336]

"Stimpy" had suspected, so do you suppoose he went through denial when he thought he was wrong? I should ask him. I know he struggled with it a bit, over the time he didn't know.quote>

Well, considering that he had suspicions and then he denied his suspicions, I'd say that yes, he's experienced it at one point.

Though, I'd say anger would be the worst reaction - can you ever imagine getting your lights punched out because you said you were differently-oriented?

[Wrightguy0 40]

I could never imagine anyone getting so angry, but i did have my fears, i was afraid to tell my dad at first, i was afraid he's be mad. I'm glad i did tell him, Thanks to his years as an engineer, science has eroded is already weak belief in god, so that wasn't there to cloud him, and his very nature should have given me a clue, he's never once been harsh, or mean, he never swears he's always loved me and my sister, no matter what i was glad i came out

[Duke of York 23]

 Well I for one can relate to the pressures of coming out. I'm in the same boat. This is the only area of my

life that I've came out. It feels at times that if I tell the truth at home that theres going to be a sense of awkwardness

forever.I truly don't believe my family will ever except me. Actually I know they won't. They will probably still " love me '

though never feel comfortable around me or feel the same again. And in that comes the fear of saying the truth.

So as of now this situation feels a bit hopeless though I'm sure sooner or later it will come to a close. Gah ....Thats enough said for now...I appreciate

everyone for there support and I hope that I'm dumping my problems on everyones shoulders.

-DOY-

[Craig-Abcvs 1,595]

Originally posted by: astronelson

And while it doesn't really count for all that much, we're here for you.quote>

Even me.

..and that is straight up. 

[Chptrk 86]

I'd just like to say thanks to all you who threw some advice into there, so thank you!

And it's good to know that you're all here, it does mean something to me, so an extra thank you!

And Liv, you're story really helps a lot. We've been friends through a lot of crap in our lives, but we're still us, and I'm sure my friends will still see me as me now.

I've decided that I'm gonna tell them soon, how soon I'm not sure, but soon. Maybe if I show up with a pink highlight in my hair it'll make things easier...

And my mom says said highlight is totally ok with her! Yay!

[astronelson 339]

If you get pink highlights, you have to show us pictures.

[s.i.X 13]

The guy who sat beside me in grade 11 math was the straightest person I ever met, and he usually had pink hair and wore pink shirts. Pink doesn't prove anything.

[Shadow Assassin 336]

Pink doesn't prove anything.quote>

Well, he would've been comfortable with his sexuality.

Though, it depends on the precise shade of pink...

And chptrk: Pics once you get it done! Though make sure you get a light base (usually white) before you dye that bit pink... otherwise it'll come out much darker than you expect... you have dark coloured hair, correct?

[Barbarossa 51]

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  Edited September 1, 2012 by Barbarossa  

[Chptrk 86]

Originally posted by: Shadow_Assassin

Pink doesn't prove anything.quote>

Well, he would've been comfortable with his sexuality.

Though, it depends on the precise shade of pink...

And chptrk: Pics once you get it done! Though make sure you get a light base (usually white) before you dye that bit pink... otherwise it'll come out much darker than you expect... you have dark coloured hair, correct?quote>

Yea, my hair is kind of a dark brown, sorta lighter in the summer, but either way, I realized that pink and brown don't go together very well. So I plan to dye all my hair black first, bleach the part I want pink (unless there's a way to make my hair lighter without bleach) and then put pink on that.

Seeing as no one in my family really knows how to do this, I figure I'll go to a hair stylist person. My mom's response was, "You have money, do whatever you want." So I'll take that as approval.

As for the shade of pink...I totally didn't think about that. Do I want a bright pink? Or more less bright (er...dim?)? Maybe more toward red? I have no idea!! 

And I will show a pic once it's done!

[Zelgadis 638]

Regarding the shade of pink...

If you're going to dye your hair black, then I'd recommend a darker shade.  Light pink would look good with light hair, but I think it would be rather loud against black.  Also, there's the consideration that, since your hair is already dark, a darker shade of pink is going to be much easier to achieve.  The hair stylist you go to will surely be a professional, but it is an unusual request and I gather there's going to be some trial and error to getting it right.  When my boyfriend decided to go blonde for the first time, he came out orange at first.  Eventually, the got a fairly "natural" look (as natural as it can be when you're an Asian with blonde hair.  ) but it took a lot of time.

Honestly though, I'd recommend printing the picture you showed me and showing it to them.  That shade seemed to work pretty well on that character.  

ISF

 

[Shadow Assassin 336]

When my boyfriend decided to go blonde for the first time, he came out orange at first. Eventually, the got a fairly "natural" look (as natural as it can be when you're an Asian with blonde hair. ) but it took a lot of time.quote>

A lot like a certain manga character that's quite popular in Japan, no?

Zel's right, though, it make take multiple attempts to get right.

[Chptrk 86]

Yea, it might. And seeing as this is my first time having someone dye my hair, (and cuz I'm too easily talked into stuffs) I'm just getting a blue streak the first time. See how that goes for awhile.

But I promise you all that I will have a pink streak eventually! And by college I will have black hair with the brightest pink ever!! Okay, maybe not too bright, but you get the idea.

[Livin in Sim 83]

Originally posted by: Barbarossa

Just a question, so I better understand...  if you know that your (closeted) gay friend told his closest friend that he was gay, but hasn't told anyone else, do you just wait?  Or do you think, perhaps, that if the relationship is right (aka, strong), do you just help him to remove the stress of preparation... kind of like, I don't know, a simple "one-on-one" of honesty (or protective consideration)... "Hey, I know your gay, it's cool and I am happy for you.  I don't care.  You are You."  Or even substitute "I think".  Just wondering... these aren't the kinds of things I have to think about, and I don't mean that as a vicious comment or anything.

Barbarossa

quote>

Good question...hmm, so far, just wait.  I hope I'm thinking of Ren, here; I wonder if he wants or is ready for me to know.  The number of heart to heart talks I've had with him is considerably less than (that darn) Stimpy, so I'm sorta lost.  Not being capable of extreme finesse in these types of situations, I would most likely end up explaining how I know, thus possibly getting Stimpy in trouble.  We were talking about my son once, and Ren said that he was a good kid, and that if he ever had a son, he hoped he would be like him.  I know...perfect opening for a leading comment such as, "So you want to have a family someday?", and his answer, being open or closed, would determine the rest...but I blew it.  Tough to think of these things at the moment, and not later.    But that is an excellent sum-er upper, "I am happy for you. You are you..."  We all get together at Stimpy's family's cabin most summers, so time will tell.

[Duke87 1,070]

Hey, this is the 21st century. Open a picture of yourself in photoshop. Experiment with all sorts of shades and styles digitally. No muss, no fuss.

[Chptrk 86]

Originally posted by: Duke87

Hey, this is the 21st century. Open a picture of yourself in photoshop. Experiment with all sorts of shades and styles digitally. No muss, no fuss.

quote>

I don't have photoshop.

Plus, it's more fun this way!

[Duke of York 23]

 I agree with Zel ...I think a Darker shade of black with a tad darker shade of pink.But until then the

blue highlight should look nice to .My hair is naturally Blond and I've thought about having a few

" Super blond Highlights " myself ...One of this days I just may post a pic of myself ..

@Duke87 - haha I'm afraid of how my picture would turn out with my Photoshopping skills

-DOY-

[Vahr 341]

*First post in here*

Oooo blue highlights first? Yay! (You know how much I love blue, lol)

Also, maybe you could possibly use GIMP to do it. But you must show us the results.

Blonde... Asian... erm. That's new lol (I'm Asian btw, with black hair (duh)).

FYI, I'm currently not thinking about relations at all (I'm 13, why would I be thinking about relations? ), so I wouldn't exactly call myself hetero, homo, or bi. I'm just sorta.... there (I think).

Anyways that's about all I wanted to say lol. Just popping in.