The Simtropolis Closet

[s.i.X 13]

@summersa74: Transsexual? Best of both worlds!

[summersa74 0]

Originally posted by: s.i.X @summersa74: Transsexual? Best of both worlds! quote>

Maybe, but there is one problem. Can you say High Maintenance?

[threeswept 12]

But, only up until the actual surgery to remove the unwanted bits or attach the desired bits.

[Boggy1 45]

Neil and I's one year anniversary was Saturday! Much fun, I finally bought him a great gift; A 1979 Canon AV-1 Film SLR Camera with two lenses, a filter, a large flash, a large padded camera bag, all the manuals intact, and with all the lens caps. For

[Wrightguy0 40]

Congratulations Boggy! I hope you and Neil have many more years to come.

Well It may be several months too late, but I had the Gayest summer ever, in both uses of the word. I got to meet Hundreds of gay families and Rosie O'Donnel wher her R cruise came to town. My picture was in the Telegraph Journal, and even made the Globe and Mail. I also got to meet a transgender actress from toronto, she was one of the most amazing people I have ever meet, she was funny and nice and very cool. I was also in my local pride parade.

[Zelgadis 638]

Good for you, boggy! I hope you're happy together.

Another anniversary: December 5 will be my 8 year anniversary of my personal "gay realization" day.

ISF

[Psycho_Teddy 25]

So it's been a while since I've spoken in here, I think I'll give an update as to where I'm at in the "process".

I've come out to most of my close friends.  There's a lot of people to go, and no one in my family knows yet, which I'm worried about. 

I came out to my best friend a couple weeks after I posted here.  It was great, she almost spit out the Chipotle burrito she was wolfing down! XD 

I came out to one of my roommates, which was a HUGE step for me.  I didn't think I'd ever get the courage to do it.  I'm working on telling the other one.  Hopefully then I'll get the courage to tell sis and mom.

I hate it when my friends say it's not as big of a deal as I make it out to be.  IT IS!!!  It's really hard for me to do, but it's getting easier.

Thank you guys SO much for letting me get a foothold here so that I can continue to tell others!  The support I've gotten here is just amazing!  I'm not kidding when I say that I could not have done it without you guys!

[Meg 368]

Originally posted by: Psycho_Teddy

I hate it when my friends say it's not as big of a deal as I make it out to be.  IT IS!!!  It's really hard for me to do, but it's getting easier.   quote>

I can certainly see how it would be difficult because this is a new process for you.  But let me offer another perspective.

I worked for 25 years and, during those 25 years, there was always at least one gay person on my project team.   Different projects, different teams, different gay people, but there was always a gay person nearby in the office every day.   

The first time someone came out to me, I was surprised but, a couple of dozen times later, it became rather routine.   If I had freaked out at working with gay people, I would have spent decades freaking out and I had other things to do with my energy.

But what is the appropriate response to a routine event that is a big deal to the other person?   Most of the "obvious" answers seem rather callous, which wasn't what I wanted to convey. 

I found that a lot depended on the age of the person who was coming out.  The younger ones, like you, were much more stressed about it.   The older ones could also treat it as routine. 

With one 30-something guy, I said "Okay, so you're the gay guy on the team this year; there usually is one."   He laughed and said he appreciated the casual nonchalance.   During the average day, he mentioned his partner as casually as anyone else mentioned their significant other and life went on. 

Sometimes I would be sitting there thinking "Are you kidding?  Everyone here has known for years that you are gay."   Clearly not a response they wanted to hear.    But, sometimes, it's like having a black guy walk up to you and tell you that he's black.  It can be difficult to avoid the "well, duh!" reaction.  (and, yes, I know it isn't always obvious)

What is it that people want to hear in a work situation?   "That's okay. I don't mind that you're gay" sounds rather condescending.    "Not my business but thanks for sharing" seems rather callous to someone who is clearly taking an emotional risk.

 

It's different in a work situation than in a personal one.   At work, people aren't expected to go through their personal history.  There was one woman down the hall that I never worked with but I knew she was on her fourth husband because she kept changing her name.  That is too much information about someone I've never met.   Co-workers don't need all these personal details.

 

On the other hand, I can understand how not coming out can be stressful too.   One guy refused to come out and it was a lot like not talking about the elephant in the room.   Another guy inadvertently outed himself and, despite receiving a warm group response (he outed himself at a large, high level conference), he was uncomfortable with the whole thing.  To quote him "I don't want to be the poster boy for homosexuality."   He was freaked out when his partner's niece invited them both to her wedding.  He was 50-something and just couldn't adapt to the fact that he really didn't have to hide anymore.  It was sad.

Thank you guys SO much for letting me get a foothold here so that I can continue to tell others!  The support I've gotten here is just amazing!  I'm not kidding when I say that I could not have done it without you guys!quote>

 

Glad we could help.    Years from now, it will seem more routine to you too.

[Zelgadis 638]

Originally posted by: Psycho_Teddy So it's been a while since I've spoken in here, I think I'll give an update as to where I'm at in the "process".quote>

Feel free to come here and do so if you like.  Sometimes coming to a place like this and just writing it all out make a person feel lots better. 

I've come out to most of my close friends.  There's a lot of people to go, and no one in my family knows yet, which I'm worried about.  quote>

Everyone has their own "order."  I started with my family and went from there.

I came out to my best friend a couple weeks after I posted here.  It was great, she almost spit out the Chipotle burrito she was wolfing down! XD  quote>

Well, at least someone had the reaction you were looking for. 

I came out to one of my roommates, which was a HUGE step for me.  I didn't think I'd ever get the courage to do it.  I'm working on telling the other one.  Hopefully then I'll get the courage to tell sis and mom. quote>

Depending on the family, that may take more.  I didn't have a roommate to tell in my time, so that helped.  On the other hand, I was living in Japan at the time, so I had the difficulty of telling coworkers in a culture that still wasn't entirely familiar to me.  They took it quite well, overall.    Some of them even went to far as to try to see if they could find a boyfriend for me.    One teacher encouraged me to tell the middle school class I was teaching at the time.  I did.  They weren't sure what to make of it.  But several of the girls suddenly started showing me pictures of famous Japanese singers and asking me if "he was my type." 

I hate it when my friends say it's not as big of a deal as I make it out to be.  IT IS!!!  It's really hard for me to do, but it's getting easier. quote>

Oh yeah.  I hear ya there.  When I finally told my parents, I called.  It was late night in Japan but morning in the US.  Dad is retired and doesn't get up until like 11:30 anymore.  I called, and Mom answered.  I told her to get Dad up and put on the speaker phone.  After that was done, I told them.  Brief silence.  And then Dad says, "Jesus Christ, you got me out of bed just to tell me that?  I thought it was something important!"    It is kinda irritating because it is a big deal, but on the flip side, the alternative is worse.  "Don't ever speak to me again" is NOT what I want to hear.

Neither do you, I reckon.  Just count yourself lucky that

Thank you guys SO much for letting me get a foothold here so that I can continue to tell others!  The support I've gotten here is just amazing!  I'm not kidding when I say that I could not have done it without you guys!

quote>

No problem.  That's what this thread is for.   

Any particular reason why you're worried about your family?

ISF

[Psycho_Teddy 25]

I'm worried about my family because my whole family is quite traditional about the whole thing.  One time my sister asked my mom what she would do if I were gay.  She just shook her head and responded with the word "No".  That's what's likely been haunting me the most, just that one word.  Welcome to Ohio... >.>

[astronelson 339]

Just noting... what's with the reverse page-flip bug? Every time I hit Last unread, I get kicked to page 88, and there's nothing there.

[Boggy1 45]

astronelson: It's because this thread is so long, and has so many posts. It's quite common across the Forums. Not much we can do about it I don't think. Just remember that you need to go back two or one pages whenever you go to this thread.

[s.i.X 13]

We can't start a new thread?

[astronelson 339]

Thanks, Boggy. I have noticed it across some other threads.

My bookshelf's full, so the shelves in my closet hold my Tom Clancy collection. (Old class of joke, I know.) If I can't keep anything in my closet, then I'll have to get some more bookshelves.