Tell us your favourite jokes

[MandelSoft 2,775]

^^ Flatron is German, so that should be OK

[A Nonny Moose 8,262]

There is also a saying amoung the Polish underground that if the Soviets held a five year plan on the Gobi desert there would soon be a shortage of sand.

 

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Lucy saw the train and the train saw Lucy.

The track was juicy, and the juice was Lucy.

 

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Algy saw the bear and the bear saw Algy.

The bear was bulgy, and the bulge was Algy.

 

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The smart young lady from Niger

Smiled as she rode on the tiger.

They returned from the ride

With the lady inside,

And the smile on the face of the tiger.

[ROFLyoshi 1,760]

I guess ethnic jokes can be okay, but jokes about Mexicans and Blacks are the same: once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal.

[A Nonny Moose 8,262]

^ Well done.  I just love puns.  Even 2/3 of a pun will do.

 

Once upon a time in a far country, a missionary was preaching to a tribe of heathens.  Every time he made an emphatic point the people shouted, "Wambonga".  The preacher thought this was approval and continued speaking.

 

Later, when he was going to the next boma across a pasture, he stepped in some wambonga.

[FreewayofFlight 41]

Bread bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis

[A Nonny Moose 8,262]

I suppose that was a yeasty comment. 

[FreewayofFlight 41]

I hope you got a rise out of it.

[MandelSoft 2,775]

Status update from my friend on Skype:

"Statii not related to elephants are irrelephant."

[A Nonny Moose 8,262]

I hope you got a rise out of it.

A crusty comment indeed.  I used to know a dancer named "Cupcakes" Cassidy.  She was very good at popovers.

[Superbacon 380]

I was going to tell a joke about sodium and hydrogen. But NAH.

[A Nonny Moose 8,262]

Sodium Hydride?  (NaH).  Does it exist?  Maybe for a brief instant in an accelerator.  You're right!  NAH - Nitrogen Argon Hydride.  Very noble, but gassy.

 

Then there's periodic acid (HIO₄).

[MandelSoft 2,775]

Are you sure it is acid? I'm positive...

[flatron 83]

ever been to Natrium, Vest Virginia?

math jokes:

-  ε < 0

-  non mathematician: Your life seems very monotonous.

mathematician: yes, but it's also continuos and unbounded.

(this one is definitely better if told in German...)

[A Nonny Moose 8,262]

Once upon a time in a land far, far away there lived a tribe on an island in the tropics.  Things were very democratic and everyone lived in a typical hut made of the local vegetation.  Then some strangers arrived and wanted to exchange some goods for some of the goods the tribe had.  This was referred to the chief, who took it all under his capable oversight, and soon a roaring trade began.  As time went on and the trade volume increased, the village became more and more wealthy, and eventually the chief was given a beautiful solid wooden throne so he could be raised up to be able to see over the whole operation.

 

The chief didn't want his magnificent throne to get wet, so, since all he had was his hut, and it was rather small, he was forced to store it in the overhead when he laid down his sleep mat.  One night there was a terrible storm, and the chief was killed while sleeping on his mat when the throne fell on him as the hut collapsed.

 

The moral of this story is:  People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.

[ROFLyoshi 1,760]

That one was so bad it hurt.

Oh. Saw a deer once, only had one eye. What did I call it? No idea.

[FreewayofFlight 41]

How do you catch a unique rabbit?

 

 

Unique up on it

 

 

How do you catch a tame rabbit?

 

Tame way, unique up on it

[A Nonny Moose 8,262]

Why do elephants paint their toenails red?

 

So they can hide in cherry trees.

 

Ever seen an elephant hiding in a cherry tree?

 

See how well it works!

[MandelSoft 2,775]

People who don't understand Newtonian physics don't understand the gravity of the situation...

[FreewayofFlight 41]

Did you know that if you're walking on the beach and you see a girl wearing a seashell bikini, and you pick her up and hold her to your ear, you can hear her scream.

[A Nonny Moose 8,262]

People who don't understand Newtonian physics don't understand the gravity of the situation...

But in the end its all relative anyway.  Schrodinger's cat says "meoxh".

[MandelSoft 2,775]

So... I made up this image macro from a news photo. A special one for the Germans among us...

 

Now go get your boats

[timmie 988]

I guess that's a joke for the 26 million speakers of Dutch

[KonstantinII 1,106]

A Hawaiian, someone from Kansas, and from Idaho were driving on the road. After a few minutes they stopped and the man from Idaho threw out a sack of potatoes because "we have too many of them in Idaho and I'm sick of them." Then the man from Kansas threw out sack of corn and says: "we got too many of dat in Kansas and I'm a done wit them." After that the Hawaiian throws them both out of the car and drives onward.

[ROFLyoshi 1,760]

So... I made up this image macro from a news photo. A special one for the Germans among us...

 

Now go get your boats

I know that pedestrians, animals and the like are prohibited from the Autobahnen, but I don't think anything is mentioned about boats...

[A Nonny Moose 8,262]

It needs ein boot.

[ROFLyoshi 1,760]

I already told you, no pedestrians allowed

[Superbacon 380]

How often do chemists do it?

 

Periodically.

 

On a table.

[MandelSoft 2,775]

Two mathematicians walk into a bar.

The first one orders one pint.

The second one orders half a pint plus a quarter pint plus one eight of a pint and so on...

The bartender just gives both mathematicians two pints and say: "You mathematicians don't know your limits..."

[Alejandro24 575]

It is a party of numbers, there was the real numbers, the complex numbers, all the constants and anothers. But the exponential was cornered alone, the numbers told him integrate, which he replied: why? Always is the same.

 

This is how I learned the integrals with exponentials.

 

Also:

¿Qué es un circuito?

 

Un lugar con payasuitos y elefantuitos.

[KonstantinII 1,106]

They say the Russian soldier's uniform is so clean you could eat off it. In contrast one can eat off the uniform of the German soldier because it has bits of food on it.