The Simtropolis Closet Thread - deux!

[astronelson 339]

Does Adelaide even have a pride because if so I haven't been told

Not now, it's winter!

It was on the 13th of November (my birthday) in 2010. Not sure about this year.

[bigro 165]

Does Adelaide even have a pride because if so I haven't been told

Not now, it's winter!

It was on the 13th of November (my birthday) in 2010. Not sure about this year.

wait a minute..... thats my birthday too!

Oooweeeeeoooo....

anywho's OT: I will be going to it if it is on again this year, for sure.

[A Nonny Moose 8,261]

Odd howideas spread. Note the Canadian citation.

[Duke87 1,070]

Odd howideas spread. Note the Canadian citation.

It's a tough issue. It's not helpful to blame the victim, but the fact remains that if you make yourself an attractive target, you increase the odds that you will find yourself targeted. Yes, a woman has every right to dress as she pleases, but to deny that there are consequences to the decision is just wishful thinking. It's done to get attention. Which is understandable. Unfortunately, when one attracts attention, one will sometimes attract unwanted attention. Can't have just the good without the bad.

But even beyond that, there are street smarts involved. Don't travel alone at night. Avoid dark areas where you can be snuck up on and cornered. Keeping pepper spray in your purse might not be a bad idea, either.

[s.i.X 13]

I'm waiting for someone to rape a shirtless man walking down the street so we can see just how universal this flawed logic really is.

[Duke87 1,070]

Yes, well, the sort of predators we're concerned with here are basically all heterosexual men, so that's not likely.

[DuskTrooper 314]

Say, what do you call it when you're attracted to certain ideas of the same gender, but not even remotely to anything of the same gender that exists in real life? Just wondering for no particular reason.

[A Nonny Moose 8,261]

When did ideas have gender?

[s.i.X 13]

You call it "I find trannies kinda hot".

[A Nonny Moose 8,261]

AC or DC??

[s.i.X 13]

AC and DC.

[Meg 368]

Say, what do you call it when you're attracted to certain ideas of the same gender, but not even remotely to anything of the same gender that exists in real life? Just wondering for no particular reason.

Hmm . . . I have a theory regarding what he means.

Despite rumors to the contrary, men and women think differently. They approach life differently. Often women can not understand why or how men act and think they way they do and visa versa.

So, what he is saying is, he likes the ideas men have about how to live life but isn't attracted to them physically.

How did I do?

It's a common dilemma, really. The whole "can't live with them; can't live without them" syndrome.

[DuskTrooper 314]

Say, what do you call it when you're attracted to certain ideas of the same gender, but not even remotely to anything of the same gender that exists in real life? Just wondering for no particular reason.

Hmm . . . I have a theory regarding what he means.

Despite rumors to the contrary, men and women think differently. They approach life differently. Often women can not understand why or how men act and think they way they do and visa versa.

So, what he is saying is, he likes the ideas men have about how to live life but isn't attracted to them physically.

How did I do?

It's a common dilemma, really. The whole "can't live with them; can't live without them" syndrome.

To an extent, yes. That's the case. But of course, there are also imaginary scenarios where hypothetical beings are attractive, but not necessarily on a physical/sexual level. Almost like a pseudosexual/metasexual appeal of some sort. IDK, it's really strange. I have a couple of really good friends that I always joke with that if we never find wives, we'll go off to whatever state allows gay marriage, and get hitched there. You can't quite call it a "Bromance" or anything like that; I can't quite put my finger on it. This is confusing (but in a good way, I guess ).

[Craig-Abcvs 1,595]

Despite rumors to the contrary, men and women think differently. They approach life differently. Often women can not understand why or how men act and think they way they do and visa versa. So, what he is saying is, he likes the ideas men have about how to live life but isn't attracted to them physically.

[generalisation]Men and women do indeed think differently.[/generalisation]

Hence the book... "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"...

The curious thing is of course is that some times you get men who are from Venus and women who are from Mars. In fact the book does say that this is sometimes the case.

This is where sexuality can start to get complicated, and it actually has very little to do with the physical sexual act. It is quite possible in a hetro-sexual relationship for the male to be more [generalisation] 'feminine' (impulsive, emotional, romantic... ) and for the female to be more 'masucline'... (non-impulsive, non-emotional, non-romantic... ) [/generalisation]...

I suspect that in any relationship gay or straight, these stereotypical 'feminine' or 'masculine' traits will be more present in one partner or the other, and that does not particularly always equate with their physical gender.

I have a couple of really good friends that I always joke with that if we never find wives, we'll go off to whatever state allows gay marriage, and get hitched there. You can't quite call it a "Bromance" or anything like that; I can't quite put my finger on it.

Well yes I do think it is possible to have a really close friendship with someone of the same sex, (non-gay / non-sexual) to the point where they maybe even buy a house together and effectively end up living together as a couple. Maybe BFF (best friends forever) could also mean (bachelor friends forever).

[Ocram's Razr 964]

Odd howideas spread. Note the Canadian citation.

It's a tough issue. It's not helpful to blame the victim, but the fact remains that if you make yourself an attractive target, you increase the odds that you will find yourself targeted. Yes, a woman has every right to dress as she pleases, but to deny that there are consequences to the decision is just wishful thinking. It's done to get attention. Which is understandable. Unfortunately, when one attracts attention, one will sometimes attract unwanted attention. Can't have just the good without the bad.

But even beyond that, there are street smarts involved. Don't travel alone at night. Avoid dark areas where you can be snuck up on and cornered. Keeping pepper spray in your purse might not be a bad idea, either.

I agree, that is what I think. One should not walk alone, at night, downtown or on a busy street, in sexy/promiscuous "slutty" clothing, if one does not want to have sex. In fact, if one does all the above and did not plan on having sex, there is something wrong with her thinking, and I hope that she would learn her lesson after getting the unwanted attention. I am a physically unattractive, large, semi-strong, tough-looking adult male and I do not like being alone downtown.

[s.i.X 13]

One should not walk alone, at night, downtown or on a busy street, in sexy/promiscuous "slutty" clothing, if one does not want to have sex.

Regardless of dress, if one does not want to have sex, they just say "no" and at that point, it is illegal for anyone to have sex with them. If a woman is wearing skimpy clothing on the sidewalk at 9pm downtown, that still isn't consent for anyone to have sex with her unless she actually agrees to it. It does not, in any way, justify rape, and to say it does sets a dangerous precedent for the security of all people when they're out in public. Even if she is looking for sex, she still has final say over who she has it with, and they have the right to say no to her, as well.

I don't understand why this is such a difficult concept for so many (especially men) to understand.

In fact, if one does all the above and did not plan on having sex, there is something wrong with her thinking, and I hope that she would learn her lesson after getting the unwanted attention.

So if they were thinking "gee, it's hot and I look good in this skimpy outfit!" that's the same as "I want to have sex with a random stranger against my will"? People aren't allowed to dress how they want anymore? Maybe she wanted the attention, but not the sex? I walk past dozens of shirtless men in the summer and I don't rape them. Why is it ok for straight men to rape women dressed in an equivalent fashion?

Honestly, if you think it is acceptable to sexually assault a woman based solely on her dress, then it is your line of thinking that should be questioned, not hers. For some bizarre reason, society teaches "don't get raped" instead of "don't rape", and it's disgusting. Imagine if we did that for other crimes? Teaching "don't get murdered" instead of "don't murder"?

"He should have known better than to listen to his mp3 player in public! By doing so, he was just asking for someone to come along and steal it from him!"

  Edited August 3, 2011 by s.i.X  

[Duke87 1,070]

Well yes I do think it is possible to have a really close friendship with someone of the same sex, (non-gay / non-sexual) to the point where they maybe even buy a house together and effectively end up living together as a couple. Maybe BFF (best friends forever) could also mean (bachelor friends forever).

Factor that affects this: the nature of one's siblings. A guy who has at least one brother will probably be more inclined towards "bromance" than a guy who does not.

I don't have a brother. And I was never very outgoing. By far, the most prominent other kids in my life growing up were my younger sisters. As an adult, I find it much easier to and generally prefer to make friends with women than with other men. I don't have "buddies" in the traditional sense, and I don't always operate well with "male" social interaction. I am not comfortable having conversations with other guys about which girls are hot and why unless I'm drunk (and even then...), but I will handle a girl conversation that goes from dieting to shopping to menstruation just fine when I'm sober and not feel particularly out of place in it.

Regardless of dress, if one does not want to have sex, they just say "no" and at that point, it is illegal for anyone to have sex with them. If a woman is wearing skimpy clothing on the sidewalk at 9pm downtown, that still isn't consent for anyone to have sex with her unless she actually agrees to it. It does not, in any way, justify rape, and to say it does sets a dangerous precedent for the security of all people when they're out in public. Even if she is looking for sex, she still has final say over who she has it with, and they have the right to say no to her, as well.

I don't understand why this is such a difficult concept for so many (especially men) to understand.

Nobody is trying to justify rape. It's disgusting, as are the men who do it. But let's be realistic here: you're a rapist, who do you chase? The woman wearing a tanktop and a miniskirt or the woman wearing a burqa? By dressing the wrong way in the wrong place at the wrong time, a woman is taking a risk, and it's foolish to try and deny that. Obviously everyone has a right to dress as they please but that does not mean that anyone can expect that their decisions will not have consequences. The way a person dresses sends a message to others who see them, and this isn't just true in a sexual way. When I go to work, I have to dress nicely, because I would be sending the wrong message if I showed up in shorts and a T shirt. On the other hand, when I walk through a not particularly nice neighborhood in those nice clothes (which my job sometimes demands that I do), don't think it doesn't weigh on my mind that I look out of place and am at a higher risk for getting into some sort of trouble because of it. Does this mean, if I get mugged, that it's my fault, or that the mugger was justified? No, absolutely not. But my actions would nonetheless have contributed to it occurring and it might be advisable for me to avoid putting myself in such a situation if I can. Else, I accept the risk.

I walk past dozens of shirtless men in the summer and I don't rape them. Why is it ok for straight men to rape women dressed in an equivalent fashion?

Honestly, if you think it is acceptable to sexually assault a woman based solely on her dress, then it is your line of thinking that should be questioned, not hers. For some bizarre reason, society teaches "don't get raped" instead of "don't rape", and it's disgusting.

What ultimately has to be remembered here is that explanation is not justification. Saying "this is part of why something happens" should not in any way be taken to suggest that it's okay. You can say "this is part of why it happened" about the most horrible atrocities in history, and it isn't justification. Many people can and do point to a few things America did which contributed to Al Qaeda's existence, does that mean we're saying it was okay for them to fly planes into the World Trade Center? No, of course not, that's preposterous.

In an ideal world, a woman would be able to walk around wherever she pleased dressed however she pleased and not have to worry about getting raped. But we don't live in an ideal world, we live in a real world, and in this world there are bad people - people who we should fight and try to avoid creating, but when we can't, it still behooves us to try and avoid.

As for why the gay equivalent doesn't happen, well... two things. One, biology - natural differences in physical strength make it much easier for a man to overpower a woman than for a man to overpower another man. Two, psychology - gay men don't ever seem to have the macho demand for power which motivates most rapes.

  Edited August 4, 2011 by Duke87  

[Ocram's Razr 964]

Why the Hell do you think I was trying to justify it! I am just saying that putting yourself in a bad situation is stupid!

Oh, after reading what Duke87 wrote, he much more eloquently explained what I was trying to say than I could ever have. If you do not see his logic...

On the other hand, if a woman wants to draw attention without getting "bad attention" she should protect herself with whatever is legal (knife, mace, pepper spray, Tazer, or anti-rape torture device inserted inside her ). I am not afraid of being raped (I am, however, very afraid of getting mugged) so I plan on getting a Tazer before I turn 21).

By the way, Duke87 deserves a +1 (though I would rather give him +2, and someone else -1) so I rated up his fabulous explanation.

  Edited August 4, 2011 by OcramSeattle  

[A Nonny Moose 8,261]

Interesting discussion, but why do people assume that only women can be raped? Admittedly, other than an STD, the results of male rape are physically nil, but the psychological trauma is there.

[astronelson 339]

Interesting discussion, but why do people assume that only women can be raped? Admittedly, other than an STD, the results of male rape are physically nil, but the psychological trauma is there.

I would guess it is because, much like female-on-male sexual harassment (more common than many people think), it is under-reported.

[A Nonny Moose 8,261]

Interesting discussion, but why do people assume that only women can be raped? Admittedly, other than an STD, the results of male rape are physically nil, but the psychological trauma is there.

I would guess it is because, much like female-on-male sexual harassment (more common than many people think), it is under-reported.

You are probably correct. A man who has been raped is not likely to embarrass himself further. Society would easily reverse the circumstances and then he would be the accused.

[Ocram's Razr 964]

Female on male is not legally rape in some countries, including UK because their definition explicitly stares that it is unwanted and forced penile penetration.

  Edited August 11, 2011 by OcramSeattle  

[Duke87 1,070]

The issue with "role reversed" harassment is that among men there is not supposed to be any such thing as unwanted sexual attention from a woman. A man's manliness would be called into a question if he started saying he was harassed.

But even beyond that, men are usually less inclined to get emotional, and thus less likely to feel like they need some sort of retribution in such a situation, anyway. A more common course of though would simply be to just forget about it and leave it in the past.

[s.i.X 13]

(I am, however, very afraid of getting mugged) so I plan on getting a Tazer before I turn 21).

Maybe you should plan on moving instead?

But then you do live in the United States, which is a horribly violent society according to what I've seen on their evening news programmes.

Interesting discussion, but why do people assume that only women can be raped? Admittedly, other than an STD, the results of male rape are physically nil, but the psychological trauma is there.

Injury to the genitals isn't the only form of physical injury that can result from a rape.

[Ocram's Razr 964]

I live in a safe place but I am rather paranoid. Also, I am bisexual and I find it amusing most bisexual men identify as straight.

[EyeofMobius 27]

I live in a safe place but I am rather paranoid. Also, I am bisexual and I find it amusing most bisexual men identify as straight.

As a Bi-male myself I find it hard to find other bi-males partially because they identify as straight but largely because the ones that are comfortable with it just don't identify period unless you are very close to them. Also the community where I am is still very uneasy about anything they can see as different. Most members of any alternative lifestyle are not out including WoW players here.

[hankypanky 2]

On the topic of rape -

the reality behind rape is that the vast majority of rape happens with someone known to the victim. It's rarely a case of someone being raped because they're in the wrong part of town at the wrong time of day (apologies if I'm repeating earlier posts, I haven't read beyond this latest page).

My experience of this happened earlier this year:

A (then) very close friend of mine broke into my dad's house when my younger brother was alone, asleep in bed one morning. He knew exactly which time my father would leave for work. He took all the tools he wanted to use - a pillowcase to throw over my brother's head, a belt to bind his hands, and a stocking for his own head. He then proceeded very violently to try to rape him, but luckily my brother fought back, which he wasn't expecting, causing him to flee before he actually penetrated him.

We were lucky in some sense because my brother has recovered well, in both psychological and physical terms, however myself, my parents, and my friends share a great amount of pain, disgust, anger, guilt, and sorrow because of it.

We always wonder whether we should have realised sooner, about how life could have been different had we acted earlier and thought things through. But that which has been said and done can never be taken back, only learnt from, and I'm thankful every day that my brother is still alive, and doing well. All I hope now is that the legal system would be faster, because the trial keeps getting adjourned, and we'd just really like some closure.

In summary, be mindful of the people you trust and give your love to. Sometimes you never know what lay buried beneath the faces of the people you know, love, and trust.

[Craig-Abcvs 1,595]

Thank you for sharing your story.

I would concur that the greatest danger is often from people we know and trust, either friends or family.

[Ded 30]

Odd howideas spread. Note the Canadian citation.

It's a tough issue. It's not helpful to blame the victim, but the fact remains that if you make yourself an attractive target, you increase the odds that you will find yourself targeted. Yes, a woman has every right to dress as she pleases, but to deny that there are consequences to the decision is just wishful thinking. It's done to get attention. Which is understandable. Unfortunately, when one attracts attention, one will sometimes attract unwanted attention. Can't have just the good without the bad.

But even beyond that, there are street smarts involved. Don't travel alone at night. Avoid dark areas where you can be snuck up on and cornered. Keeping pepper spray in your purse might not be a bad idea, either.

As an aside, Rape and sexual assault usually tend to be less about sexual attraction, and more about power. That's why the argument is flawed.

[BlondeTwiggy 43]

Interesting discussion.

not to derail the current topic,Just a random question I have always had, do you think it's possible to have straight-male-with-straight-female friendships, I mean like extremely close, best friends, and not have it be romantic? I have had a couple, and they are very few and far between. But those are some of my most cherished relationships.. (sorry if it's been discussed, I haven't read the whole thread..)