The Simtropolis Closet Thread - deux!

[ROFLyoshi 1,760]

Wow. But yes, you are certainly right.

[EyeofMobius 27]

On the marriage topic: My grandfather has a constant fear that women or their parents are always out to entrap young single men into marriage through pregnacy, real or imagined. I finally figured out what is feeding this fear to keep it alive from he olden days when it was more widely believed; he is watching way to much Christian Television, specifically to this topic, The Waltons.

I am pretty much certain I am going to alay his fears of this and give my grandmother a complex at the same time as later this summer I am going to the vet to get myself fixed. Many reasons around this decision but as it stands I want niether kids nor marriage.

-----

In other exciting news I have happily started dating two separate women. Each is aware that I am dating the other. One woman is also Polyamorous, has a main partner and is introducing me to the poly community where I live; the other woman does not identify as poly but is very open to alternative relationship models. The best part is that with both of them I have no trouble talking about anything and the conversations are fantastic to say the least.

[Duke87 1,070]

My grandfather has a constant fear that women or their parents are always out to entrap young single men into marriage through pregnacy

Well, this sort of thing does happen. I know a girl who got pregnant against her wishes after she started dating an illegal immigrant. Her then boyfriend, now husband, got her pregnant (the way the story is told, he intentionally broke his condom) so he could rope her into marrying him and thus become a legal US resident.

But saying people are "always out to" do it is of course an unfair assessment.

[A Nonny Moose 8,261]

A sad case, if true.

EOM: Don't do anything you will regret later. Contraception is cheap enough. Until you reach the age of reason (33), don't make any irrevocable decisions.

[Meg 368]

EOM: Don't do anything you will regret later. Contraception is cheap enough. Until you reach the age of reason (33), don't make any irrevocable decisions.

33 is the age of reason? I hadn't heard that before. Oddly, I see what you mean.

But, depending on how it's done, the procedure he gets could be reversible. Not that I'm recommending that. There is one theory that babies of assisted contraception have issues. The ones I know do but it's too small a sample size to be meaningful.

[A Nonny Moose 8,261]

You haven't paid attention to your Tolkien. 33 is the age of majority for Hobbits. LOTR starts when Frodo turns 33.

I have a couple of perfectly normal cousins who were conceived by condom accident. I think the only issues with such children may well be that they are unwanted. Fortunately my cousins were born at a time when a child was a child, and that's the way it was.

  Edited June 14, 2011 by A Nonny Moose  

[Meg 368]

You haven't paid attention to your Tolkien. 33 is the age of majority for Hobbits.

You're right. I haven't paid attention. A fact that sometimes takes people by surprise.

I have a couple of perfectly normal cousins who were conceived by condom accident. I think the only issues with such children may well be that they are unwanted. Fortunately my cousins were born at a time when a child was a child, and that's the way it was.

I'm not talking about condom accidents that were unwanted. I'm talking about children who were wanted but were conceived using medical intervention. In vitro, hormone injections, gamete intra-fallopian transfer, and related procedures.

I imagine there are many babies who were conceived using these methods who turned out to be fine, healthy, medically normal children. I just don't know any of them. The ones I know have significant medical issues. But, again, the sample size is not statistically valid.

[EyeofMobius 27]

While I do understand the resistance I am recieving from announcing this decision to those around me, not just the ST crowd, it is something I have indeed thought long about; five years of serious research and review on the thought from the serious standpoint and many whiles beforehand in a not as serious contemplation. My family is in outright denial and disbelief, heck I would probably have to show them scars afterwards to make them believe. I am not putting anything on ice either as a just in case; I do not want to create children of my own, it is as simple as that.

[A Nonny Moose 8,261]

I'm not talking about condom accidents that were unwanted. I'm talking about children who were wanted but were conceived using medical intervention. In vitro, hormone injections, gamete intra-fallopian transfer, and related procedures.

I imagine there are many babies who were conceived using these methods who turned out to be fine, healthy, medically normal children. I just don't know any of them. The ones I know have significant medical issues. But, again, the sample size is not statistically valid.

Some women can't carry to term or conceive for reasons unfathomable to medicine at this time. Until we know more, drastic interventions like this should be thought about long and hard.

The medical fraternity often jumps in where angels would fear to tread, at both ends of life.

[Craig-Abcvs 1,595]

I think that just about any problem in a relationship, can be traced back to poor communication.

It is pretty hard to say 'I'm sorry' and 'I forgive you' if you are not communicating well in the first place.

[A Nonny Moose 8,261]

I think that just about any problem in a relationship, can be traced back to poor communication.

It is pretty hard to say 'I'm sorry' and 'I forgive you' if you are not communicating well in the first place.

Very true, and important. The most important communication in a marriage is the sentence, "I love you". It does wonders for cementing the relationship. This must never be taken as said or for granted.

[Duke87 1,070]

I think that just about any problem in a relationship, can be traced back to poor communication.

And it becoming a bigger problem can always be traced back to failure to recognize that there's a problem and act to correct it.

[GreekMan 246]

getting back on the marriage topic......

I am pretty confident that my current girlfriend is the right one for me. I have never dated anyone else before her because I was afraid of rejections from girls.....anyway I just feel that after 8 months of dating, i think that she is the one for me. Sometimes I feel that I am young and foolish and i dont know what love is yet. I mean we have small fights which is normal but we do communite well and we are a perfect match, idk if i could consider her my best friend et. we confide in each other secrets. The problem is that she is 16 and i am 20 in the state of CA, age on consent( I have heard all the jokes). Nevertheless, she also believes that I am the one for her and wants to get married in 3-4 years to me. She would be 20 and I would be 24. does anyone have any thoughts on getting married so young? I am afraid to tell my parents that she is the one. It has been 8 months not 2 years which is the normal time to get to know one another before marrying someone else. idk how my parents would react if i told them that i want to get married in a few years.

[A Nonny Moose 8,261]

I guess the right queston here is can you support your own place and a wife, and being a Greek, how many kids had you planned? Don't jump off the bridge until you are sure of a soft place to land.

Meanwhile, carry on dating. If you are in Greece, how does the society feel about out of wedlock liasons?

[Ocram's Razr 964]

Maybe you should wait until you have a degree or suitable career.

I don't plan on getting married until I have my degree or good job.

[Duke87 1,070]

Getting married at 24 isn't a big deal. You'll be out of college by then and hopefully working, and if you're happy getting married then without giving yourself a chance to enjoy being young and single, more power to you. If you know you love someone and always will, it's best to make it official, just so long as you take the commitment seriously.

What's really a more important question about doing it young versus waiting is having children. You can get married at 24, but I would wait a few years after that before reproducing... gotta make sure you're prepared for it both mentally and financially first.

[A Nonny Moose 8,261]

My parents were both 24 when they married in 1936. I was born 10 months later. Then dad went overseas in WW II. My sister was born in 1948, two years after dad got back. If you are ready to have kids, and you have family support, there is no point in waiting as long as you are sure you can support them. Meanwhile you can be DINKs. One parent should stay at home until the kids are at least in high school.

I know of one case where the wife's income was better than the husband, so he become a house husband and raised the kids while mommy earned the wherewithal.

  Edited June 18, 2011 by A Nonny Moose  

[Ocram's Razr 964]

Yes, well there is a great problem with today's depraved American culture that prevents stay-at-home spouses. The primary mobey maker might get layer off or a pay reduction so the other spouse would need to seek a job, often at a pittance. One job pays the taxes, the other starts to pay the bills.

[GreekMan 246]

i live in america. oh yeah kids wont happen right away, she wants 4 starting after college. she just wants a few years without children which i like. i am not going to rush right into children. She wants to be a pharmacist and i want to be a city planner. she would be making more money than myself, which i dont care about her making more than me. i think that if start working part time for the next 3 years, i could save up about 30,000 or so.... she could do the same. what are the stats on couples who get married early?

We are both down-to-earth people. We are not rebels so i think we are both mature enough to get married at a young age

  Edited June 18, 2011 by GreekMan  

[Duke87 1,070]

I'd be less concerned with you and more with her. At 16, can you really effectively decide you want to spend the rest of your life with someone?

Then again, my grandparents got married when they were 17 and 16. 54 years later, they're still together...

[A Nonny Moose 8,261]

When the chemistry and everything else is right, a marriage is made forever. Teen agers don't know enough from living experience to really know if its the real thing or not. Loving someone is a permanent state. Any thing else could be called being "in like".

Give it time, there is lots of it. Get established, build a stockpile if you can, but for sure start a retirement fund, tax exempt if possible. If I had done that at age 16, even if I only initially saved $1,000 per year ($83 per month), with compound interest by the time I retired, I would have had a nice little pile.

Of course during your working life, putting about 10% of your net in the fund will really beef it up. Retirement pensions from outside sources are getting very iffy in today's financial climate, so as well as thinking about someone to be with your all your life and who will be your best friend bar none, think of how you will spend your golden years.

For many, romantic attachments have four stages, and you want to be careful to make sure you stop at the second step. They are like, love, hate, and loathing. If you can envision taking step three, remember the loathing will be of yourself.

[GreekMan 246]

Duke: Yes you do have a point about being 16 and making that major decision. She is like no other 16 year old and is more mature at that age than some others who care about shopping, beer, sex and other immature things in life. Some people are more mature than others and i truly belive that we are ment for each other. I hope that answers your question......

Moose: When you mean "Teen agers don't know enough from living experience to really know if its the real thing or not." do you mean like living together before getting married? or you mean like paying bills and and having responsibilities? As for stockppiling, will do. My grandfather game me a nice small bundle of money when i turned 18 to invest it. I grew up in a family where investing is very important and they tell me to do the very same.

Thanks for all the good advice!

[A Nonny Moose 8,261]

That's a nice picture.

What I meant was simply that life experiences before graduation are rather narrow for most people, and serious events like marriage should be put off until you have a better perspective. Once you have some experience in the real world on your own, you will be in a better position to decide what you want to do with the rest of your life, both public and private.

Go play in the traffic for a while, and you will be better equipped to make whole life decisions.

[EyeofMobius 27]

Go play in the traffic for a while, and you will be better equipped to make whole life decisions.

My parents used to tell me to play in traffic a lot when I was younger

As far as marriage goes...well 8 months is seriously a drop in the bucket to consider lifelong commitment. I am also not saying that successful marriages aren't possible with so little time together but I am going to say that I personally consider it to be needlessly impulsive behaviour. All in all take life as it comes, make very few lifelong plans and cross the major bridges when you get to them.

My Aunt and Uncle are a very successful couple; They started dating in Highschool; five years later they moved in together three years later they got engaged; three years later they got married; and now have been married for over 10 years but have been together for more than 20 years. If you are going to be with someone for the rest of your life take it as a good thing that the two of you have so much time to make these decisions together without rushing into them.

[A Nonny Moose 8,261]

Amen.

If you get married at age 22 when you graduate, for instance, are you prepared to live with this person to the end of the life of one of you? One of the things that post-secondary education is supposed to teach is how to think.

[GreekMan 246]

true advice given....

moose: do you see me as a young kid who does not know what love is yet? or as a kid who thinks he knows everything but doesnt really? you can be truthfull. i am not going to get mad or anything

[A Nonny Moose 8,261]

true advice given....

moose: do you see me as a young kid who does not know what love is yet? or as a kid who thinks he knows everything but doesnt really? you can be truthfull. i am not going to get mad or anything

None of the above. I've been there and done that, and I didn't marry the right girl until I was fifty years old. I guess I'm suggesting that if you err let it be on the side of caution.

I carried a torch for this girl for twenty years, but she was married to another guy, who finally had the grace to smoke himself to death. We had 22 wonderful years until she died suddenly of an infection.

I know people of your heritage tend to be a little impulsive, but just hold your horses for a bit, and get well established first.

I generally take my philosophy from your ancestors: τίποτα υπερβολικό.

[Craig-Abcvs 1,595]

I know people of your heritage tend to be a little impulsive, but just hold your horses for a bit, and get well established first.

I generally take my philosophy from your ancestors: τίποτα υπερβολικό.

Can we turn the stereo(type) down a bit eh? My hoose is actually an igloo so the sound of loud stereo(types) tends to reverberate through the ice walls.

I think sometimes we just need to go and breathe in some of that great out-doorsy air though our noses, rather than making and stating assumptions aboot people of other cultures or heritage, in a unique french accent.

Of course you all know I am talking a load of (mounted)horse (ice)hockey, but you all would be far to polite and nice to point that out to me, eh?

τίποτα υπερβολικό

:: Googles ::

"Nothing excessive"

Hmm...

Everything in moderation, including moderation...

[Craig-Abcvs 1,595]

Plain English translation to my somewhat sarcastic post above:

People who are gay and people from other heritages and cultures constantly have to battle stereotypes made by others.

Let's not bring those stereotypes in here.

[A Nonny Moose 8,261]

Sorry if I offended anyone, but one does slip occasionally.

When I was in college I had several friends who were Greeks studying on visas. They were quite an excitable group, and were often the most interesting people to be around. Unfortunately, one of them was a Cypriot activist, and I am not sure what happened to him when he went home. He was studying explosives chemistry.

When you rub shoulders with a patriot of his stripe, you learn a lot in the college dining room.