What's the funniest quote?

[defcon pilot 0]

"Age isn't an issue. Mostly because I lie about it."

A take on the Most Powerful Quote thread, which can be found here.

[Constantina 5]

'There is a planet in our solar system called David Beckham, and his wives are moons'

I came up with that after Becks transferred to LA Galaxy

[Deever 23]

Never underestimate the incompetency of the government... Seriously.

[defcon pilot 0]

Never underestimate the incompetency of the government... Seriously.quote>

"Yeah well you're a lazy hippy. They're superhuman, they have to be or the terrorists will steal all our Freedom Fries."

[Duke87 1,070]

Unfortunately, many of the funniest ones aren't appropriate to post here....

[sanantonio 0]

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most."

--Ozzy

[The Terminator 0]

"Mission Accomplished"

-George W. Bush

What a damn idiot

[A Nonny Moose 8,262]

"The report of my death is greatly exaggerated"  Mark Twain.

[Deever 23]

"Yeah well you're a lazy hippy. They're superhuman, they have to be or the terrorists will steal all our Freedom Fries."quote>

Oh yeah, the rest of the world too. I forgot. This is the state of our government, unfortunately... New president, then impeach, then new president (then she cheats), then impeach, then new president again...

[Small Print 0]

"Hey, the offensive linemen are the biggest guys on the field, they're bigger than everybody else, and that's what makes them the biggest guys on the field."

John Madden.

[Easy Bakes 253]

Wanda: To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people.

I've known sheep who could outwit you.

I've worn dresses with higher IQs, but you think you're an intellectual, don't you, ape?

Otto: Apes don't read philosophy.

Wanda: Yes they do, Otto, they just don't understand

A Fish Called Wanda 1988.

[daniel01 0]

One of my favourite and funny quotes from the episode Bad Moon Rising in Everybody Loves Raymond:

She's in a bad mood, what? 3 days tops? Soon, it's gonna be 5 days. Then it's a week. Then what was once a bad mood takes over and becomes her only mood! And then...well then you become like me. Where not a day goes by that I don't wish there was a comet screaming towards Earth to bring me sweet relief!!!

daniel01

[Deever 23]

This came from our Filipino teacher as she was discussing Noli me Tangere,

Keeping a secret is like farting. You're trying so hard to keep it in, but it really wants to come out. Then, PRRRT!!! It makes a big noise and it stinks too. But if you let it out naturally like, peeet... it's not that noisy and disrupting. Of course you should know the right time when to release it.

[Nerd_Guy 4]

Nukear...

G.W. Bush

[cameron1991 0]

If your parents didnt have children, you probably won't either, its genetic...

My friend

[jvlm.123 0]

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe, we are part of Europe."

- George W. Bush

[Nerd_Guy 4]

"A square is always a rectangle, but a rectangle is only sometimes a square. So...does that mean a circle is always a circle unless it's a triangle?"

-guy in my algerbra class

[Easy Bakes 253]

Please rush me my portable walrus polishing kit.

Four super brushes that will clean even the trickiest of seabound mammals.

Yes, I am over eighteen, though my IQ isn't. "

- Rimmer

[FreewayofFlight 41]

"You're not fat, you've just got more to show"--- Me

[Rymac91 15]

"I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet. " - Rita Rudner

"In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk." -Also Rita Rudner

"640K ought to be enough for anybody" -Bill Gates

ST quotes are also funny.

"New Zealand collided with Australia?...when was this?!" -Beebs

"Television should die a painful death....Except for hockey."-your_adress_here

"Cradle of Filth Town? Did you plan on including my son's room in your CJ?"-Schulmanator

I love quotes. They save moments, they give you inspiration and they make you laugh so hard, you wont need to do those crunches

[The boy formerly known as Evil Muzz 27]

"Who the hell, put boullion cubes in the shower head, huh? Did you do it? Did you? If it happens again... I will wait, in my SUV... blast me some speed metal - 5.1 surround sound, heavy on the bass... and someone... will be getting... mowed... down..."

Hooch from Scrubs

"Honestly, that man has killed so many patients I'm beginning to think he's a government operative..."

Dr. Cox from Scrubs about an incompetent intern

"What do you mean don't eat too much chocolate? All the other kids hate him, chocolate's the only friend he's got!"

Marjorie Dawes from Little Britain

[xiziz 11]

"Its a red man, we can just walk" /Me

Talking about those lights at pedestrian crossings, right before me and a mate waltz right out over one of Stockholms buisiest streets, horns blowing and tires squeeking. Yes, i can be quite self destructive when im tierd, I once nearly got run over by a subwaytrain, didnt see the train untill it stopped 10cm from my shoulder, this huge blue thing creeping up you from the side. quite fun looking into the window once it had passed... everyone was lying on the floor XD

---

"Look up there, see that bright glowing ball? its called a sun, and when it goes down below the horizon, it get so dark, that you could think it was night"  /Me

Yes... i actually said this, but i was very drunk and dont remember it myself!

And the one that hallmarks my Profile XD

[nealos101 20]

"Life is like a box of chocolates... The real thinkers look at the packadging to see what's in store for them."

"If you can't say something nice to some one then tell them exactly that."

And my personal favourite:

"War is like food in a jar... If you leave it open for too long it starts to rot."

[defcon pilot 0]

"Life is what you do when you can't get to sleep."

-Fran Lebowitz

[your_adress_here 11]

Originally posted by: Rymac91

"Television should die a painful death....Except for hockey."-your_adress_here

quote>

Haha - never in a million years would I have thought of being quoted on that.

[Kippis05 2]

"DAMMIT!"

-Jay Olazek, my physics teacher

[Goldfish4209 9]

"It's not sexy enough!"

-Mr. Mcdonald, my former orchestra conductor

[Kippis05 2]

Originally posted by: Goldfish4209 "It's not sexy enough!"

-Mr. Mcdonald, my former orchestra conductorquote>

 

That's mildly frightening...

[Goldfish4209 9]

Originally posted by: Kippis05

Originally posted by: Goldfish4209 "It's not sexy enough!"

-Mr. Mcdonald, my former orchestra conductorquote>

 

That's mildly frightening... quote>

The giggling went on for minutes... It was so funny...

[Easy Bakes 253]

"I invented the cordless extension cord."

Steven Wright

"Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman— or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle."

George Burns