Deighton: Augustine Osbourne
Augustine Osbourne, Mayor of Deighton
Deighton sits at the head of two major rivers, within the tidal range of the Ballina Sea.
Mayor Osbourne said he would be delighted to meet and talk to us for the Ballina files, but he laid down some strict conditions. There would be no queries about his personal life, and he would only talk to us after midnight, in a deserted part of town.
Although the pre-conditions seemed a little odd, the politician was perfectly charming by phone, and said he would be glad to openly answer any other questions we might have, and that still left us plenty of scope for an interesting chat.
Our sound recordist Myrtle had a slight cold, so we were concerned that the GPS coordinates given led us to a rather windy graveyard, overlooking Deighton’s main port on the West River estuary. Nevertheless we kept ourselves warm with a flask of Ovaltine and were fascinated to watch the shipping, which obviously continued visiting even throughout the night.
Eventually our interviewee appeared, as if from nowhere, and was most concerned for our welfare. We were glad to be invited into a small stone building with marble slabs inside, which at least kept us out of the wind. Apart from a little soil, which must have blown in from outside, the building was well kept, and we felt a great deal more comfortable.
Myrtle joked that she hoped we weren’t disturbing anyone, and the Mayor reassured us that the building was not occupied, at the moment.
Osbourne then launched into what must have been a pre-prepared speech, detailing all the improvements made in the district since he had been voted into office. We won’t repeat that information here, except to remind readers about the second port the Mayor had commissioned on the North Shore of Deighton, as this becomes relevant in a moment.
Eventually we were allowed to ask our questions, the first of which concerned an incident with a government official, namely Utility Chief, Jonas Sparks.
The red arrow shows the location of the wind farm, location of the alleged incident concerning Jonas Sparks, and the purple arrow points to a new coal power station, built recently using government funds.
Was it true, we asked, that Osbourne had discovered Sparks, clinging to a wind turbine, wearing nothing but his hard hat, and shrieking about the public abusing the power network?
The Mayor confirmed that this had indeed been the case, that it had happened during the construction of the new dock, but that he felt people made too much of it.
“Human beings are but fragile vessels, blown so easily off course by the winds of fortune. It is important to be kind, don’t you think?”
We asked what the Mayor thought of the statement made by the Sparks family, claiming a negligent optician had caused the problem, and that the government official had mistaken the new port area for a naturist beach after being issued the contact lenses of another client.
Osbourne considered this for a moment, then suggested that if that is what the family believed he was willing to leave it at that.
Then, making it clear he considered our interview was now at an end, he disappeared back into the darkness, leaving us with many unanswered questions.
Such as;
Is Osbourne really related to European aristocracy as rumours suggest?
What leads him to forbid questions about his personal life, does he have a mysterious secret, or is he just shy?
Why does he refuse to meet the residents of Deighton face to face, and will only answer their queries by email?
How is it that Osbourne is able to access government infrastructure grants so easily? Can it really be as simple as ‘being able to fill the forms out properly’ as he has previously claimed?
Last, but not least, where on earth does he live? The residents of Deighton have no idea.
Our investigations continue!
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