Kids will be kids.

[A Nonny Moose 8,261]

Why do we love children?

1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a
woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark
naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the
back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from
his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not
necessarily those of his parents.'

3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her
struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the
phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's
hitting the bottle.'

4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker
room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing
towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then
asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'

5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was
interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my
uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop?' Yes,' I answered and continued writing
the report.' My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police.
Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as
she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'

6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and
I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he
asked.
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally
he said, 'What'd he do?'

7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins,
I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was
unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the
canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of
false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable
barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will
never believe this!'

DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her
dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'
'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'

9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard
the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his
5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper
burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting,
then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The m inister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with
sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always
said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he
goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)

10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting
my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can'! t read, I can't write, and they
won't let me talk!'

11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered
through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible

[octaves 4]

OHEMGEEE!  DADDY!  She's not wearing a seatbelt!!

[Duke87 1,070]

My little sister has had a few of those "kids say the darnedest things" moments. She would have been about 2-3 years old, and we were going to Florida for vacation. She knew we would be getting there on a plane, but she didn't have the other end of things quite right. Upon landing in Tampa, she looked out the window and said, "Hey, look! Another airport!" I guess she thought the plane was going to drop us off right at our hotel.

Once we were out of the plane and in the airport, she asked if we were in Florida. Upon being told "yes", the next words out of her mouth were "Where's the swimming pool?". Little kid didn't grasp the idea that Florida was a big huge state and not just a single specific place.

Of course, as you might expect, we have our fair share of "big brother does mean things to little sister" stories, too. The difference was I never really did anything to her to be intentionally mean, I just did bad things upon impulse without thinking first and then just made it worse by throwing out excuses. I know that one time I, out of the blue, decided that the hair on one of her dolls was too long, and managed to (quite easily) convince her that if I cut it, it would grow back. And then I proceeded to hack off a lot of the hair and drive her to tears. Was I doing it to be mean? No. I was doing it because my OCD was giving me compulsions. I just spontaneously got the idea in my head that the dolls hair needed to be shorter, and acted on it because not doing so would have made me uncomfortable. Of course we weren't aware of that at the time.

I also picked the nose off her stuffed dog, telling her "it needed an operation", and covered her dollhouse in paint because "it needed a new coat of paint" (it was plastic, and had no paint on it).

The piece de resistance,  though is what happened once my parents finally figured out that something was up with me that was making me do all these weird things. Imagine being the parent, having the following conversation with your five year old son:

"Why did you do that?"

"Because I had to."

"What do you mean 'you had to'? What horrible thing would happen if you didn't?"

"The industraters would come out of the ceiling and take me away."

To be fair, I never actually believed anything was going to come out of the ceiling and do anything to me, but that was the explanation, dare I say "excuse", that I spontaneously came up with in order to attempt to explain something which didn't really make any sense even to me. All I knew was that I would start getting really really tense and nervous for no apparent reason and could only make it go away by doing the thing that came into my head .

...actually, the crazy and amusing things I did as a kid because of my OCD could probably fill a sizeable book.  I can tell more stories later if there's interest.

I warn you, though, some of them are downright disturbing.

[Smarty218 2]

What'd he do? Lol! You got some good stuff here!

[patriots_1228 51]

Some kid walked up to me and my friends when we were playing cards a few years ago and asked "whatcha playin?"

"bs"

"What does that stand for"

"I can't tell you, your parents would be mad at me"

"Don't worry! I know what it stands for! Bullshark!"

^close buddy...just replace the ark with it

[SimRabbit 48]

lol "adams underwear" that made my day.

[Nerd_Guy 4]

I remember one time, my family was driving down to Florida, and my little sister (who was pretty woung at the time) began to panic as we passed a van with one of those luggage capsules on the roof. When we asked her why, she said "Didn't you see the casket on

 the roof of that van???"

[sixers33 3]

Hilarious seatbelt one rofl

[Pinkyred9 0]

lol, i remember when i was aboout 5 or so, i got on my first plane. I was REALLY curious and i kept asking questions like: "What happens if crash into the sea mum? What happens?" and "That's my water (directed at the sea)" and 'The plane is to white".

I can also remenber going on a boat from Victoria, Australia to Tasmania. It was called "The Devil Cat". It wasnt really designed for the rough seas it had to go through, and nearly EVERYONE (including the crew, lol) on the boat got seasick, except a 5 year old me. I kept pointing at everyone and saying: "Sick in the bag! Sick in the bag!" lol. That boat dosent run anymore, lol.

Did i say lol to much in that post, lol?