From My Mail Box

[A Nonny Moose 8,261]

SHERIFF JOE IS AT IT AGAIN!

You all remember Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Arizona , who painted the jail cells pink and made the inmates wear pink prison garb. Well.......... SHERIFF JOE IS AT IT AGAIN! Oh, there's MUCH more to know about Sheriff Joe! Maricopa County was spending approx. $18 million dollars a year on stray animals, like cats and dogs.. Sheriff Joe offered to take the department over, and the County Supervisors said okay. The animal shelters are now all staffed and operated by prisoners. They feed and care for the strays. Every animal in his care is taken out and walked twice daily. He now has prisoners who are experts in animal nutrition and behavior. They give great classes for anyone who'd like to adopt an animal. He has literally taken stray dogs off the street, given them to the care of prisoners, and had them place in dog shows. The best part? His budget for the entire department is now under $3 million. Teresa and I adopted a Weimaraner from a Maricopa County shelter two years ago. He was neutered, and current on all shots, in great health, and even had a microchip inserted the day we got him. Cost us $78. The prisoners get the benefit of about $0.28 an hour for working, but most would work for free, just to be out of their cells for the day. Most of his budget is for utilities, building maintenance, etc. He pays the prisoners out of the fees collected for adopted animals. I have long wondered when the rest of the country would take a look at the way he runs the jail system, and copy some of his ideas. He has a huge farm, donated to the county years ago, where inmates can work, and they grow most of their own fresh vegetables and food, doing all the work and harvesting by hand.. He has a pretty good sized hog farm, which provides meat, and fertilizer. It fertilizes the Christmas tree nursery, where prisoners work, and you can buy a living Christmas tree for $6 - $8 for the Holidays, and plant it later. We have six trees in our yard from the Prison. Yup, he was reelected last year with 83% of the vote.

Now he's in trouble with the ACLU again. He painted all his buses and vehicles with a mural, that has a special hotline phone number painted on it, where you can call and report suspected illegal aliens. Immigrations and Customs Enforcement wasn't doing enough in his eyes, so he had 40 deputies trained specifically for enforcing immigration laws, started up his hotline, and bought 4 new buses just for hauling folks back to the border. He's kind of a 'Git-R Dun' kind of Sheriff. TO THOSE OF YOU NOT FAMILIAR WITH JOE ARPAIO HE IS THE MARICOPA, ARIZONA COUNTY SHERIFF AND HE KEEPS GETTING ELECTED OVER AND OVER

THIS IS ONE OF THE REASONS WHY: Sheriff Joe Arpaio (In Arizona ) who created the ' Tent City Jail':

He has jail meals down to 40 cents a serving and charges the inmates for them. He stopped smoking and porno magazines in the jails. Took away their weights, cut off all but 'G' movies. He started chain gangs so the inmates could do free work on county and city projects. Then He Started Chain Gangs For Women So He Wouldn't Get Sued For Discrimination. He took away cable TV Until he found out there was A Federal Court Order that Required Cable TV For Jails So He Hooked Up The Cable TV Again . Only Let In The Disney Channel and The Weather Channel. When asked why the weather channel, He Replied, So They Will Know How Hot It's Gonna Be While They Are Working ON My Chain Gangs. He Cut Off Coffee Since It Has Zero Nutritional Value. When the inmates complained, he told them, 'This Isn't The Ritz/Carlton...... If You Don't Like It, Don't Come Back.'

More On The Arizona Sheriff: With Temperatures Being Even Hotter Than Usual In Phoenix (116 Degrees Just Set A New Record), the Associated Press Reports:

About 2,000 Inmates Living In A Barbed-Wire-Surrounded Tent Encampment At The Maricopa County Jail Have Been Given Permission To Strip Down To Their Government-Issued Pink Boxer Shorts. On Wednesday, hundreds of men wearing boxers were either curled up on their bunk beds or chatted in the tents, which reached 138 Degrees Inside The Week Before. Many Were Also Swathed In Wet, Pink Towels As Sweat Collected On Their Chests And Dripped Down To Their PINK SOCKS. 'It Feels Like We Are In A Furnace,' Said James Zanzot, An Inmate Who Has Lived In The TENTS for 1 year. 'It's Inhumane.' Joe Arpaio, the tough-guy sheriff who created the tent city and long ago started making his prisoners wear pink, and eat bologna sandwiches, is not one bit sympathetic.. He said Wednesday that he told all of the inmates: 'It's 120 Degrees In Iraq And Our Soldiers Are Living In Tents Too, And They Have To Wear Full Battle Gear,

But They Didn't Commit Any Crimes,So Shut Your Mouths!' Way To Go, Sheriff! Maybe if all prisons were like this one there would be a lot less crime and/or repeat offenders. Criminals should be punished for their crimes - not live in luxury until it's time for their parole, only to go out and commit another crime so they can get back in to live on taxpayers money and enjoy things taxpayers can't afford to have for themselves.

  Edited November 5, 2011 by A Nonny Moose  

[A Nonny Moose 8,261]

Second chapter, new topic:

---

 

FORREST GUMP GOES TO HEAVEN

  The day finally arrived.   Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven..

He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself.  

 However, the gates are closed,

And Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.

St. Peter said, 'Well, Forrest, gla d to see you.   We have heard a lot about you.  

I must   tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, 

And we have been administering 

An entrance examination for everyone.  

 The test is short, but you have to

Pass it before you can get into Heaven.'

Forrest responds, 'It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir.   

 But nobody ever told me about any entrance

Exam.  I sure hope that the test ain't too hard.

 Life was a big enough test

As it was.'

St. Peter continued, 'Yes, I

Know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.

First:

What two days of the week

Begin with the letter T?

Second:

How many seconds are there in a year?

Third:

What is God's first name?'

Forrest leaves to think the questions over.  

 He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and

Says, 'Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over,

Tell me your answers.'

Forrest replied, 'Well, the

First one -- which two days in the week begins with the letter 'T'?

Shucks, that one is easy.   That would be Today and Tomorrow.'

The Saint's eyes opened wide and

He exclaimed, 'Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do

Have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit

For that answer.   How about the next one?' asked St. Peter.

'How many seconds in a year?

Now that one is harder,' replied Forrest, 'but I thunk and thunk about

That, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.'

Astounded, St. Peter said, 'Twelve?

Twelve?  Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds

In a year?'

Forrest replied, 'Shucks, there's

Got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd... '

'Hold it,' interrupts St. Peter.

   'I see where you are going with this, and I see your point,

Though that was not quite what I had in mind....but I will have to give

You credit for that one, too.  

 Let us go on with the third and final question.

Can you tell me God's first name'?

'Sure,' Forrest replied,

'it's Andy.'

'Andy?' exclaimed an exasperated

And frustrated St Peter.

'Ok, I can understand how you

Came up with your answers to my first two questions, 

 But just how in the

World did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?'

'Shucks, that was the easiest

One of all,' Forrest replied.  'I learnt it from the song,

ANDY WALKS WITH ME,

ANDY TALKS WITH ME,

ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.'

St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates,

And said: 'Run, Forrest, run.'

 

Lord, Give me a sense of humor

Give me the ability to understand a clean joke,

To get some humor out of life,quote>

[A Nonny Moose 8,261]

Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman.. 

The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.

Dear Sir: 

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. 

By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.. 

I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. 

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. 

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. 

I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. 

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. 

My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. 

Be aware that it is an OFFENSE under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.. 

Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete. 

I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. 

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history  must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. 

I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. 

As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. 

Let me level the playing field even further. 

When you call me, press buttons as follows: 

IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALLING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH 

#1. To make an appointment to see me 

#2. To query a missing payment. 

#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there. 

  

#4 To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping 

#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature. 

#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home 

#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. 

      Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier. 

#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.  

#9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. 

         The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

#10. This is a second reminder to press* for English. 

       While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call. 

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. 

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year? 

Your Humble Client 

And remember: Don't make old People mad. 

We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off.

[Francis90b 748]

Great letter, i've had a good laugh while reading it!

[A Nonny Moose 8,261]

Originally posted by: Francis90b

Great letter, i've had a good laugh while reading it!

quote>

Yes, the old gal was probably executive secretary to a bank president when she was working.  She writes like the perfect bureaucrab.

[A Nonny Moose 8,261]

Wow, I searched for this thread and didn't realize nothing had been added for a year. However, here is a new one I got today, and I don't feel that is worth starting a new thread because all this needs, really, to be together.

---

---

This came in today from a correspondent:

WHERE I HAVE & HAVE NOT BEEN

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age, I need all the stimuli I can get!

  Edited November 3, 2011 by A Nonny Moose  

[A Nonny Moose 8,261]

This arrived this morning. Have a good laugh.

Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night.

So I went to a psychiatrist and told him. . . 'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared.. I think I'm going crazy.'

'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the psychiatrist.

'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears..'

How much do you charge?'

Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the expert.

'I'll sleep on it,' I said.

Six months later, he met me on the street. 'Why didn't you ever come to see me

about those fears you were having?' he asked.

'Well, eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money!

A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that

I went and bought myself a new car!'

'Is that so?' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did a bartender

cure you?'

'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!'

FORGET THOSE LEARNED DOCTORS..

GO HAVE A DRINK & TALK TO YOUR BARTENDER.

[Alejandro24 575]

I can proove it, just go to the Moose Factory!

Seriously, during my childhood and teenages (I suppose I'm in the final time of this) I went to many psychiatrist in the school. The teachers just get scared when they see a student talking himself, alone, writing in a numeric code and reading books from Karl Marx, Maltus, Darwin, Platon, Aristoteles and Mein Kampf!!!

  Edited November 30, 2011 by Alejandro24  

[A Nonny Moose 8,261]

I can proove it, just go to the Moose Factory!

Seriously, during my childhood and teenages (I suppose I'm in the final time of this) I went to many psychiatrist in the school. The teachers just get scared when they see a student talking himself, alone, and reading Mein Kampf!!!

I'll just bet. Gott in himmel, why were you reading Mein Kampf? Have you read Das Kaptial as well?

[Alejandro24 575]

I can proove it, just go to the Moose Factory!

Seriously, during my childhood and teenages (I suppose I'm in the final time of this) I went to many psychiatrist in the school. The teachers just get scared when they see a student talking himself, alone, and reading Mein Kampf!!!

I'll just bet. Gott in himmel, why were you reading Mein Kampf? Have you read Das Kaptial as well?

Yeahp. I've readed Das Kapital (El Capital), Marx is right in some ways. I need to read it again, I was only 15 years old when I readed it, maybe there are many mental lagoons. About Mein Kampf (Mi Lucha), it was too hard to find, you need to move underwater. I founded in a book street stall, the seller sell it too cheap (50 pesos, 5 dollars). It was a regular translation from german, some parts were with a poor syntaxis (like translated with google). But I loose that book, the principal of my school confiscate it, and called my parents and, well, at the end I was punished and I went to the psychiatrist of the school by orders of the principal (and other teachers). I was only 16 years old when that happened. And the psychiatrist just concluded: ...is antisocial, with cold temperament, doesn't feel empathy; but not dangerous, just too curious. (... es antisocial, con un temperamento muy frío y no siente empatía; pero no es peligroso, solo curioso.)

  Edited November 30, 2011 by Alejandro24  

[Gringamuyloca 47]

Nonny... I loved the 'letter to the bank'! Had me in stitches... will file for future use!

... and if the grandchildren ever complain about monsters under their beds... the mattress will hit the floor and the 'bed' will be recycled.

[A Nonny Moose 8,261]

I can proove it, just go to the Moose Factory!

Seriously, during my childhood and teenages (I suppose I'm in the final time of this) I went to many psychiatrist in the school. The teachers just get scared when they see a student talking himself, alone, and reading Mein Kampf!!!

I'll just bet. Gott in himmel, why were you reading Mein Kampf? Have you read Das Kaptial as well?

Yeahp. I've readed Das Kapital (El Capital), Marx is right in some ways. I need to read it again, I was only 15 years old when I readed it, maybe there are many mental lagoons. About Mein Kampf (Mi Lucha), it was too hard to find, you need to move underwater. I founded in a book street stall, the seller sell it too cheap (50 pesos, 5 dollars). It was a regular translation from german, some parts were with a poor syntaxis (like translated with google). But I loose that book, the principal of my school confiscate it, and called my parents and, well, at the end I was punished and I went to the psychiatrist of the school by orders of the principal (and other teachers). I was only 16 years old when that happened. And the psychiatrist just concluded: ...is antisocial, with cold temperament, doesn't feel empathy; but not dangerous, just too curious. (... es antisocial, con un temperamento muy frío y no siente empatía; pero no es peligroso, solo curioso.)

This is a typical response from the ones I call educaterers (term picked up from the motion picture Goodbye My Fancy). These people don't know how to handle the curiousity of the brighter students and have a tizzy if the kids are reading something that would be banned in Boston. Many teeners go through this sort of anti-social phase. It is part of socialization, like training puppies.

Both Kapital and Mein Kampf are the maunderings of madmen.

  Edited December 1, 2011 by A Nonny Moose  

[Alejandro24 575]

This is a typical response from the ones I call educaterers (term picked up from the motion picture Goodbye My Fancy). These people don't know how to handle the curiousity of the brighter students and have a tizzy if the kids are reading something that would be banned in Boston. Many teeners go through this sort of anti-social phase. It is part of socialization, like training puppies.

Both Kapital and Mein Kampf are the maunderings of madmen.

As I said in another thread, the same apply for an brighter students. They are not preppared, maybe the teachers were victims too of a system that wants to blind; a person more brighter than they must be adapted, in the worst case propitiate the rejection of this person from the society. Because is a danger. And this is where mostly part of the bad people born. Correctly: they don't born, The society made them. The society unconsciously do this because there must be someone to blame, to say "he/she is the bad, look out, that must be rejected". The different thinking are not accepted in a industrial, plastic and material society: this alleged liberty of this democratic system is a lie.

I was reading Mein Kampf because I wanted to see Adolf Hitler form his insides. I don't settled with the classic idea of the WWII, so I wanted (still want) to know more. We can't criticize from the exterior, we must to see the interior, see the point from the person.

But what a strange, a kid is reading Mein Kampf. Outrageous!!! He's not watching TV, or listening Reggaeton, or playing Football... no, he's reading Mein Kampf. He's bad, he must to be changed. For what? To become my brain a mass of turned off neurons that obeys the system that gives Panem et circenses:TV, Reggaeton and Football?? No thank's, I'm more than they. Is not superiority. Is reality. Sorry.

Maybe both are the maundeings of madmen, their works are warnings, and we still ignore them.

Maybe I'll be physics teacher for a time, there are not physicsist that were not teacher. So I want to learn to idetify that brighter minds, to guide them to the light and not plunge them in dark well. That's because I need to learn the true and the reality, to listen to people with experience in his/her life to avoid the same errors. Maybe a little piece of the humanity can be saved from a catastrophe.

Also, what a reality with the case of the bank. Thats one of the resons that hate to call to a bank or another kind of institution.

  Edited December 2, 2011 by Alejandro24  

[A Nonny Moose 8,261]

This little gem was waiting for me when I logged in this morning.

---

The Green Thing

Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the older woman that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren't good for the environment.

The woman apologized and explained, "We didn't have this green thing back in my earlier days."

The clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations."

She was right -- our generation didn't have the green thing in its day.

Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. But we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks. But she was right. We didn't have the green thing in our day.

Back then, we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throw-away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling machine burning up 220 volts -- wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that young lady is right. We didn't have the green thing back in our day.

Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana . In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity. But she's right. We didn't have the green thing back then.

We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. But we didn't have the green thing back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus, and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service. We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza joint.

But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the green thing back then?

Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smartass young person.

Remember: Don't make old people mad.

  Edited December 4, 2011 by A Nonny Moose