Help with English text -

[pedronc 0]

hi

im sorry if this is forbiden to ask, or it is the wrong place.

i 've two texts in english that are very important to me, and i would be really thankful if anyone with patience help me correcting some possible english errors.

one of the texts is about USA , and why i would want to study there (pretty much is a small text saying good things about USA, even if we dont agree  

the other text is about School Abandoment , and the consequences of the youngsters dont finish studies etc.

Ever since I can remember I have the will to go to United States of America, and this is undoubtedly the best chance I have to fulfill that dream.>>

I am interested in studying in US because it is an opportunity to get in touch with the American culture, which has a miscellany of perspectives, values and traditions that any other country in the world has. This is a possibility to know people from different countries and backgrounds which will surely change my way of seeing and being in the world. Studying in US is definitely a occasion to open my mind, gain new perspectives of life and create a memory of a lifetime.>>

In addition to that, is making part of the best educational system, with the best and most well known universities of the world. Besides that, it is the greatest way to improve my English skills, which will help me improving my résumé and my future career chances. >>

Thus, I do hope to participate in this program and therefore have a unforgettable summer>>

quote>

One issue that affects my community is the school abandonment, which is the most important rating about the efficiency of the education system.>>

This problem affects mainly families with a low income and many times social excluded. Due to the financial problems, many parents cannot even afford the basic school material, and therefore stimulate their children to get a non-qualified job in order to help the family.>>

At a long term, this concern has a lot of consequences. Due to the lack of qualifications, these people will never be able to get qualified jobs, and so the financial problems will always continue. This leads to many other consequences like crime and drug abuse, which leads once more to the social exclusion of these families, causing a sort of an infinite loop.>>

Besides these social issues, the school abandonment has also many economical ones. Since many people don’t have any specialized qualification, many big companies avoid to invest, going to other countries with better workmanship. These increase the unemployment rate, which of course has tremendous consequences for the country.>>

In 2006, the rate of school abandonment in Portugal was of 40%, more than twice of European Union which was 17%. In the past two years, the government increased the financial aid, and created professional courses, which motivates all the students to continue their studies and get a specialized knowledge, which will allow them to get better jobs. In 2008 these measure showed some results with the abandonment rate lowering to about 35%.>>

We must keep up this work. Due to the increase of unemployment caused by the actual economic crisis, many people with higher education are unemployed or are earning the minimal wage. If not even qualified people can get a good job, who will recruit the others with no qualifications?>>

quote>

[pedronc 0]

the other text is this:

.

One issue that affects my community is the school abandonment, which is the most important rating about the efficiency of the education system.

This problem affects mainly families with a low income and many times social excluded. Due to the financial problems, many parents cannot even afford the basic school material, and therefore stimulate their children to get a non-qualified job in order to help the family.

At a long term, this concern has a lot of consequences. Due to the lack of qualifications, these people will never be able to get qualified jobs, and so the financial problems will always continue. This leads to many other consequences like crime and drug abuse, which leads once more to the social exclusion of these families, causing a sort of an infinite loop.

Besides these social issues, the school abandonment has also many economical ones. Since many people don’t have any specialized qualification, many big companies avoid to invest, going to other countries with better workmanship. These increase the unemployment rate, which of course has tremendous consequences for the country.

In 2006, the rate of school abandonment in Portugal was of 40%, more than twice of European Union which was 17%. In the past two years, the government increased the financial aid, and created professional courses, which motivates all the students to continue their studies and get a specialized knowledge, which will allow them to get better jobs. In 2008 these measure showed some results with the abandonment rate lowering to about 35%.

We must keep up this work. Due to the increase of unemployment caused by the actual economic crisis, many people with higher education are unemployed or are earning the minimal wage. If not even qualified people can get a good job, who will recruit the others with no qualifications?

quote>

Sorry the double post, but it was to big and didnt fit in only one post.

greetings and thanks in advance

if this is forbiden to ask, im really sorry>>

[screamingman12 30]

Here's the first one:

Ever since I can remember I have wanted to go to the United States of America, and this is undoubtedly the best chance I have to fulfill that dream.>>

I am interested in studying in the US because it is an opportunity to get in touch with American culture, which has a large amount of perspectives, values and traditions. This is a possibility to meet people from different countries and backgrounds, which will surely change my way of seeing and being in the world. Studying in the US is definitely a occasion to open my mind, gain new perspectives of life, and create a memory of a lifetime.>>

Another reason is that I want to be part of an excellent educational system, with the best and most well known universities of the world. Another reason is that it is the best way to improve my English skills, which will help me improve my résumé and my future career opportunities. >>

Thus, I do hope to participate in this program and therefore have a unforgettable summer>>

[Duke87 1,070]

The grammar's actually pretty good, more often the problem is weird wording.

Here's the second passage (text):

One issue that affects my community is school abandonment, which is the most important gauge of the efficiency of the education system.

This problem affects mainly families with a low income, who are often socially excluded. Due to financial problems, many parents cannot afford even the basic school material, and therefore encourage their children to get a job which doesn't require an eductation in order to help the family.

In the long term, this has a lot of consequences. Due to lack of qualifications, these people will never be able to get good jobs, and so the financial problems will always continue. This leads to many other consequences, such as crime and drug abuse, which leads once more to these families being socially excluded, causing a sort of infinite loop.

Besides these social issues, school abandonment also has many economic impacts. Since many people don’t have any specialized qualification, many big companies avoid investing locally, going to countries with a better workforce instead. This increases the unemployment rate, which of course has tremendous consequences for the country.

In 2006, the rate of school abandonment in Portugal was 40%, more than twice that of European Union, which was 17%. In the past two years, the government has increased financial aid and created professional courses, which motivates students to continue their studies and get specialized knowledge and thus allows them to get better jobs. In 2008, these measures showed some results with the abandonment rate lowering to about 35%.

We must keep up this work. Due to the increase of unemployment caused by the global economic crisis, many people with higher education are unemployed or are earning minimum wage. If even qualified people can't get a good job, who will recruit the others with no qualifications?quote>

It would also help if we knew what this was being written for. The purpose of the writing can change what wording is appropriate. For instance, in formal writing, it's a good idea to avoid contractions such as "don't" or "can't" (use "do not" or "cannot" instead).

[Randomtaskk 1]

Originally posted by: screamingman12

Here's the first one:

Ever since I can remember I have wanted to go to the United States of America, and this is undoubtedly the best chance I have to fulfill that dream.>>

I am interested in studying in the US because it is an opportunity to get in touch with American culture, which has a large amount of perspectives, values and traditions. This is a possibility to meet people from different countries and backgrounds, which will surely change my way of seeing and being in the world. Studying in the US is definitely a occasion to open my mind, gain new perspectives of life, and create a memory of a lifetime.>>

Another reason is that I want to be part of an excellent educational system, with the best and most well known universities of the world. Another reason is that it is the best way to improve my English skills, which will help me improve my résumé and my future career opportunities. >>

Thus, I do hope to participate in this program and therefore have a unforgettable summer>>

quote>

quote>

You forgot an N..." Studying in the US is definitely a occasion to open my mind," should be "Studying in the US is definitely an occasion to open my mind,"

[Randomtaskk 1]

Originally posted by: Duke87

The grammar's actually pretty good, more often the problem is weird wording.

Here's the second passage (text):

One issue that affects my community is school abandonment, which is the most important gauge of the efficiency of the education system.

This problem affects mainly families with a low income, who are often socially excluded. Due to financial problems, many parents cannot afford even the basic school material, and therefore encourage their children to get a job which doesn't require an eductation in order to help the family.

In the long term, this has a lot of consequences. Due to lack of qualifications, these people will never be able to get good jobs, and so the financial problems will always continue. This leads to many other consequences, such as crime and drug abuse, which leads once more to these families being socially excluded, causing a sort of infinite loop.

Besides these social issues, school abandonment also has many economic impacts. Since many people don’t have any specialized qualification, many big companies avoid investing locally, going to countries with a better workforce instead. This increases the unemployment rate, which of course has tremendous consequences for the country.

In 2006, the rate of school abandonment in Portugal was 40%, more than twice that of European Union, which was 17%. In the past two years, the government has increased financial aid and created professional courses, which motivates students to continue their studies and get specialized knowledge and thus allows them to get better jobs. In 2008, these measures showed some results with the abandonment rate lowering to about 35%.

We must keep up this work. Due to the increase of unemployment caused by the global economic crisis, many people with higher education are unemployed or are earning minimum wage. If even qualified people can't get a good job, who will recruit the others with no qualifications?quote>

It would also help if we knew what this was being written for. The purpose of the writing can change what wording is appropriate. For instance, in formal writing, it's a good idea to avoid contractions such as "don't" or "can't" (use "do not" or "cannot" instead).

quote>

"In 2006, the rate of school abandonment in Portugal was 40%, more than twice that of European Union" should be "In 2006, the rate of school abandonment in Portugal was 40%, more than twice that of the European Union"

[pedronc 0]

thank you guys.

i was a great help

duke87, these texts are part of an aplication to go to the US study for 5 weeks in this summer.

so it is a bit formal. i will avoid the contractions

and . thank you all again

[Merlin of Flyote 8]

Hope this helps!

use an instead of a when the first letter of the next word is a vowel ((a,e,i,o,u,) or an h) as in hotel for example,

or when the first is silent and the second letter is a vowel.

I meaning me, is always a capital letter. Also in I'm and I've the i is always capital. But use I am or I have in formal letters.

In the long term, NOT at the long term.

many big companies avoid investing, NOT avoid to invest.

In 2008 these measures, (plural) singular would be (this measure)

[pedronc 0]

thank for your tips

the deadline to deliver the text is today

i will correct the text with your tips

tks