The ultimate e-mail

[A Nonny Moose 8,262]

Dear All

My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year........
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny
Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I
receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
participating in their special e-mail program ..... Or from the senior
bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split $7 million with me for pretending
to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can
remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along to watch the
car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,
Singapore and Uzbekistan.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big
brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death
when it bites my bum.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the $50.00 I
found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a
sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next
70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm
this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing
you to grow a hairy hump.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of
my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's
beautician.

By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has
discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity
always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

Have a lovely day

[Voar Tok 4]

Originally posted by: N_O_Body

By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has

discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity

always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.quote>

Oh crap.  Busted again.

[2nerdy4u 1]

Originally posted by: Voar Tok

Originally posted by: N_O_Body

By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has

discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity

always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.quote>

Oh crap.  Busted again.

quote>

Shoot... happened to me too... of course, I'm only a kid, so naturally I don't have much of a sex life... but the IQ part really made me mad...

Funny email. Talk about paranoid.

[BlondeTwiggy 43]

No! I took my hand off, but it was too late

That was really funny, I have heard about/received most of those emails. I hate forwards mostly, but some of them are kind of interesting. (the non-"send this to 1791 people in the next minute" kind)

[Duke87 1,070]

I'm on a laptop, with a touchpad, so I'm immune. Ha!

(No fingers were on the touchpad, either, so don't bring that up).

[masochist 111]

HaHA! I used the arrow keys to scroll down, and was eating a lemon while reading, so my hand wasn't anywhere near the mouse! HA!!!

(Unfortunately, I can't actually laugh out loud because my lips are stuck in the "pucker" position...)

[ShortStraw 1]

I never forward those emails.  Before the internet I never forwarded chain letters.  Hmm, maybe that's why my life is such a bleedin train wreck, heh.

[A Nonny Moose 8,262]

At this point, sixty people have read this, but only six of you had the guts to post chagrin.

[star.torturer 0]

its a good one, even if its soo untrue, i had my hand on the mouse, and i have a larger than average iq... lol

Joe

[Duke87 1,070]

Well, therein lies the other issue... infrequent sexual activity is usually associated with high IQs, not low ones.

[AutumnWindz 0]

awesome! that's something i need to keep on hand.. so when someone sends me yet another chain letter, i'll send 25 of those back at them..

[star.torturer 0]

Well, therein lies the other issue... infrequent sexual activity is usually associated with high IQs, not low onesquote>

dam my genius, soo useful for intelectual conversation but damn it soo, it always hampers that side of it...