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Chapter 6: 'If Only' Is Just a Set of Words

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Theme Song: Carolina Liar- Show Me What I'm Looking For


Brian hadn’t noticed the medics. Not when they opened the car, not when they tried to talk to him. He couldn’t see them through his tears, couldn’t hear them through his pleading for Lukas to wake up. His body was so cold, so numb, that he didn’t feel the hands touch him and when they started to gently pull him away and out of the car, Brian weakly fought them.


It was no use.

They won, in the end, and all he could do was watch in dismay from where they’d sat him as they worked to extract Lukas from the wreckage with some sort of saw. His body trembled and every breath seemed to come with less air than he needed.

Someone was speaking to him, but he didn’t listen. He couldn’t. All he could do was hope with everything that he had that his stupidity hadn’t cost him the ultimate price. Someone stood in front of him and started speaking, but Brian absently pushed himself up with one leg and looked past the person; unable to take his eyes off of Lukas.

The person moved out of his line of sight and a moment later a blanket was placed gently over his shoulders. Someone was speaking to him again; something about him needed to sit and about shock, but it was faint. 


He had to be with Lukas.

He had to make sure that Lukas would be alright...

Tears welled up in his eyes and he whispered, “This is all my fault... If only…”

“Sir,” the voice said again and he felt someone try to lead him away. “Come with me. You need to be treated.”

Brian shook his head and when he blinked, the tears that had gathered in his eyes escaped and trickled down his chilly cheeks. “I can’t,” he gasped, not able to get enough air to speak. “I have to make sure...”

“We’re taking care of him. Please, come with me. You’ve sustained some major injuries as well and you’re in shock. We need to treat you.” There was a pause, then a shouted, “Jackson, grab Davings and get a stretcher over here.” It meant something, Brian was sure, but it meant nothing to him. 

Suddenly, the saw stopped and there were shouts for morphine because Lukas was awake. Brian tried to stand, tried to go to him, but was pushed back into place; the same voice telling him that they were bringing a stretcher for him and that his passenger would be okay.

Brian shook his head vaguely as he watched the other medics with Lukas. The teen was starting to scream now, and Brian tried to get up again but he cried out as a sharp pain flared in his knee and spread through his leg. More tears came, though not from the pain. No, the pain was nothing. It was for Lukas, and because he couldn’t get to him. He’d done this, and now he couldn’t even try to help...

“Just a small prick, now,” he heard before a small pain bit at his uninjured arm. Brian looked over in time to see a needle being pulled out, and then he felt hands grab him and move him to lie on something.

“Luke...” Brian whispered before something was placed over his nose and mouth, supplying him with more air. He closed his eyes and felt warm liquid run down his face from his eyes as he begged silently for Lukas to be okay.



Brian opened his eyes and stared up through the darkness at the ceiling. The first thing he noticed was that he was warm—hot, in fact, as if someone had put a whole bundle of blankets on him.

The next thing he noticed was something strapped over his nose and mouth. Some sort of oxygen mask? He tried to lift a hand, planning to take it off, but his left arm wouldn’t move, and his right seemed heavy...

He blinked as he realized that he did indeed have several blankets on him. That explained it... but... He looked around again. Where was Lukas? Was he alright? Fear pricked at his heart, and panic started to set in. He had to know. He had to find out.

Slowly, Brian started moving his right arm up in an effort to get out of bed, when the door opened and the room was flooded with light from the hall. A woman, a nurse by the look of her uniform, walked in and messed with a few of the buttons and tubes before looking down at him. She jumped slightly in surprise when she realized he was awake.

Pressing a hand to her chest, the nurse took a deep breath to calm herself before saying, “You scared the living daylights out of me, you know that?” Brian shrugged a little to show that he hadn’t meant to. She shook her head, reached over, and took the oxygen mask off. “How you feeling, honey?” she asked with a slight Southern accent.

“Don’t know,” he answered weakly. “I’m guessing not so great if I’m here?” To this she merely laughed and asked him whether he felt any discomfort.

The woman, Sarah Thornberry, was pleasant enough as she relieved him of a few of the blankets and checked his vitals. She’d also gotten him water for which he couldn’t have been more grateful for.

He quickly learned that he’d come away from the accident with a broken arm, a dislocated knee, and some cuts and bruises. He’d broken his arm near the elbow joint, and shattered the bone in his wrist. Apparently, he’d need surgery on it, but it wasn’t anything that would keep him in the hospital any longer than his other injuries.

Unfortunately, each time he asked about Lukas, the nurse quickly changed the subject, telling him ‘not to worry his pretty little head about it’. Finally, Brian reached over with his good hand and held her arm. He gazed steadily into her eyes and whispered, “Please... I have to know... Please understand...”

He swallowed, not sure how to make her see that he couldn’t go on without at least knowing. Not taking her eyes from his, she reached over and put her hand over the one he’d used to grab her with. 

“Alright,” she said finally. “I don’t know much, but I know they got that boy into surgery as soon as he got here. That was yesterday. I know he’s been in a couple times, but... I’m sorry, I just don’t know more. He’s in good hands though with Dr. Baum.”

He felt tired and exhausted, but he used what strength he had to squeeze her arm. “Find out for me, please... I can’t live without knowing. ” That last part just slipped out. He hadn’t meant to say it, he didn’t want her to know how desperate he was, but it was true. He needed to know. All he could think of was that Lukas was dead, or alive but in a state that he’d never fully recover... 

For a moment she simply looked at him, then her expression softened. “I see,” she said quietly and gave him a small smile. “I understand. I’ll do what I can for you.” 

Brian slowly let go of her arm, and she placed it on the bed. With her assurances, he closed his eyes and let himself drift back to sleep.

It’s been almost three months since that day, Brian reflected, stepping out of the shiny metal interior of the elevator and into the brightly lit hallways of the hospital. Brian’s first few days after the accident were spent mostly sleeping or being examined by doctors. He’d gone into surgery for his wrist and though they were sure it would heal up alright, the doctors said that he’d probably have problems with it for the rest of his life.

For now his left arm was in a cast, and his left knee had a brace around it. He would have to use a crutch while it healed, but only time would tell if it would heal properly or if he’d need some sort of corrective surgery for that as well.

The small cuts on his forehead had healed up nicely. He’d been lucky that he hadn’t sustained any major injuries to his head. Although his injuries were bad, it was the effects of going into shock that had kept him in the hospital for so long.

He’d had visitors, of course. His co-workers had come, both to offer condolences and to try cheering him up. And he’d had a half-hearted scolding from Sebastian, but he could tell he was more worried than angry.

And then, of course, there was Lukas. 

When Brian reached the nurses’ station, he leaned heavily against the counter. He’d stopped at the flower shop on his way, buying a bouquet of red roses, and carried them in between his body and his cast. Now he set it on the counter to alleviate some pressure while he waited. His knee ached and he was almost out of breath from the exertion. His armpit throbbed from the crutch and he thought that those pain killers sounded very nice at the moment.

The nurse on duty was on the phone giving Brian a chance to look around while he waited. He hadn’t known initially where they’d taken Lukas, and had needed to inquire about it. When he found out they’d sent him here and Brian almost felt amused.


If it were a different situation, perhaps he would, but right now...


Entering the room, he noticed as the younger blonde turned around and smiled at him and grabbed the flowers and promptly grabbing a vase.

Sighing, Brian slumped into the chair next to the bed and watched as Sebastian made his way expertly around the room.
“So, any improvements?” he asked warily, watching as Sebastian finished tending to the flowers and leaned against the counter.
“Well, they said his EEG is still inconclusive, and that he’s going to need another surgery to help correct the fracture in his shoulder. The neurologist said though that he’s responding to external stimuli and that it’s really promising…” the boy replied, a smile moving warily across his face, “How about you?”
“Well,” he started, until he was interrupted by the sound of Sebastian’s stomach rumbling from across the room.
“You didn’t eat yet, did you?” he asked, looking at the teen as a blush spread across the boy’s face. Shaking his head, he reached into his back pocket and tossed his wallet to him.
“Here, go get whatever you want. I’ll keep an eye on him for a while…” he said, smiling as he held up his hand before the teen could reply, “And don’t worry. I’ll be fine by myself. Go eat. Now.”
Smiling, he watched Sebastian walk out the door, and make his way towards the elevator.
Getting back up, he shuffled over to the bed, looking down on the bed.
“Hi. I… I know you probably can’t hear me. But… well… I wanted to come by and see how you are doing and tell you what has happened since, well… you know. Um… first they decided to take away my license, no big surprise there. They also blamed the accident on ice on the road, so that kind of helped take some of the blame away from me… not that I deserve it. The board went ahead and made Gaston the interim CEO while I’m off on a sabbatical and medical leave. Apparently they’re really mad at me because I hired that Hilton guy. The guy tried to go postal and kill Gaston. Go figure, not that I blame the kid, that guy is just a really big bastard. They let him hire his own assistant and, big shocker; he hired this blonde bimbo supermodel named Rin something. She’s kind of freaky. Well… that’s all that’s really happened….” He trailed off, his voice cracking as he held off tears and looked away.
Taking a deep breath, he ran his hand through Lukas’ hair, and wiped his own face with his other hand before continuing.
“Lukas, I’m just so sorry. If…. If only I hadn’t been a jerk to you. This is my fault. If only you’d just wake up. Just wake up so I can tell you I…”
“…. smell like Band-aids…” the blonde murmured, groaning as he opened his eyes opened slightly.






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“…. smell like Band-aids…” the blonde murmured, groaning as he opened his eyes opened slightly.

Hee hee.  I guess that's not such a bad thing.  :)  Band-aids smell alright.  Nice and sterile and plasticky.  Better than a lot of things in a hospital I can think of...


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Nice to see you around, good pics as usual.

to copy Zel, I like the way hospital antiseptic stuff smells

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Better than a lot of things in a hospital I can think of...

Yes hospitals do have their own unique set of smells...

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