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JustinHayward

What would machines and gadgets say if they could speak ?

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  • Original Poster
  • After reading with amusement some comments on another thread - I thought it would be quite funny to see what people think their machines would say to them after being kicked for "Not working properly"

    I know that if my TV could speak it would yell something like "Will ya quit poking my buttons Language ~zel~ - I wanna watch Jerry Springer"

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    Id imagine my iPod would be saying "For the sake of sanity take Shania Twain off repeat!!!". My PC would be saying "I blame the router" and my router would be saying "I blame the PC". My TV would be saying "There's more to me than the news and National Geographic Channel" and my mobile would be saying "Saucy git!"

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    Well thets see...

    Computer: "There is more to the internet than Simtropolis.com, replace my hardrive, give me a rest."

    Mobile phone: "Use me"

    TV: "There is more to TV than documentaries."

    Alarm clock: "Get up later."

    Microwave: "Have something else for breackfast once in a while."

    Car: "Can we go somewhere more intresting than work and back."

    Smoke Detector's: "Well there are loads of us so your house is preety safe."

    Carbon Monoxide Detector: "Your boiler is making funny noises, do something!!"

    Boiler: "Fix me before I breack down."

    Fan: "Open the windows instead, helllo???? this is the UK, you don't really need me."

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    Computer: Jeez, I dont need to be left on 12 hours a day you know! Gimme a break once and a while!

    Printer: All you EVER print out is sheets and sheets of Family Trees! I want some variation in my life!

    TV: ...watch me please 15.gif I feel lonely...

    Cooker: Stop cooking Pasta for heavens sake, eat something new for once!

    Mobile Phone: Hey! How can

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    My computer: "So, you want to play SC4, eh? Well, there's not going to be any of THAT until you buy me a new graphics card, more RAM, and another harddirve. Now DANCE for me, slave! MWA HA HA!"

    It would also say: "Hello, welcome to Windows. All of these errors are not my fault."

    "The keyboard did it!"

    "You've spent 340 hours on Simtropolis! For the love of pie, please do something else!"

    "Hmm... I think I'll block acess to RuneScape for no reason today..."

    "Ah yes, Mr. Norton Antivirus, my partener in crime. Please have a seat."

    "Error: Not enough money spent on Microsoft product. Shutting down to prevent bankruptcy."

    "Smiley Overload. Self destruct initiated."

    Keyboard: "Enough with the typing already! You're not even good at it."

    Phone: "I REFUSE to allow you to push the 3 button!"

    Mouse: "Contrary to poupular belief, this cord is not a tail."

    Car: "Could you at least clean me once in a while? PLEASE?"

    TV: "zzz..." (I don't watch TV)

    Gamecube: "This memory card is corrupted. Error."

    Memory Card: "The Gamecube did it!"

    Gamecube: *innocent whistle*

    My Mom's Laptop: "I shall not boot up! Never! And don't try to put me on battery power, either!"

    Clock Radio: "You've been pushing the snooze button every five minutes for over an hour. If you want to be lazy and miss school, just turn me off for God's sake!"

    Speakers: "Play sound without annoying *crackles*?! You must be kidding."

    Electric Piano: "Just because I'm not a Stienway..."

    Printer: "High qualaty?! You want high qualaty?! Forget about it!!"

    As can probably guess, I am convince that all electronic devices harbor a secret desire to bring us pain deep within their hearts... 11.gif

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    Laptop: Stop staying up until 0300 on Simtropolis and give it a rest!

    TV: News, news, news, news, politics, anti-Dubya humour, news, news, news, sci-fi, news, news, drama... Watch a freakin' cartoon once in a while! You're scaring me!

    Scanner: Zzzz...

    Printer: Zzzz...

    ("Zzzz" means that they are asleep since I rarely use them.)

    Digital Grand Piano: Stop repeating your damn mistakes! It's hurting my MIDI generator!

    Desktop: Urk. Staying up until 0200 doing C++... And then until 0500 doing Freelancer or SimCity... Must... Get... Sleep...

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    My Computer: Do you ever play anything other than a Sim game?!?

    My Sisters Computer: Enough with the differnt languages d*mn it! I only want Computer ones!!

    My moms Computer:....need....upgrade....system...stress...too....much....

    My dads PC: wait...you're not Tom! Nooooo!

    The Upstairs Tv: You'd think if they give me digital cable that they would actully get a packege.

    The Downstairs TV:Yay! he's turning on the playstation...now maybe for some Action!

    The VCR: Back in the day...I was actully wanted..I'd be used each week...but now....thats all changed...now alll they use is that stupid black box with the disks...I feel so lonely.

    The Smoke dector in the master bedroom: ...

    The Smoke Dector in the family room:...wait..ohno! SHE'S cooking! Beep! beep!....

    My dads Cell Phone: I wonder if he remembers he even has me?

    Dial Up Modem: Cough..I feel unwanted...

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    My computer couldn't talk, unfortunately his jaw fell off.

    iPod: You wanna use me sometime?

    TV: I show more than just the Apprentice, Amazing Race and hockey you know.

    Stereo: I'm with iPod.

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  • Original Poster
  • I am glad I started this thread - I just knew it would bring out the comedian in you all - well done guys you are hilarious!!!! 9.gif

    My ex wifes microwave oven always used to scream .....

    NO NO NO I aint for drying the laundry !!!!

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    Hehe, these are all great... I know what my DS would say too:

    "My touch screen has unholy levels of fhilth on it from all the friends of yours who touch it. Clean me or face the consequences, those being that you'll never be able to play Mario Kart or Sonic Rush again!"

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    Here is the following things I think my devices would say:

    Radio: "Turn me off! You have me on all day while your playing on your computer. Sheesh can you use the computer for listening to music?"

    In response my computer might say: "I am used for games, using programs, etc. not for listening to music all the time, listen to me not the radio!"

    My Gamecube: "Please play me. I have not been played in a while. Please get new games so you can enjoy me before the revolution takes over."

    My N64: "Please play me, I am better than that Gamecube."

    My gamecube would response: "I don't think so, N64 is so gone."

    I could list a good conversation with some of the devices I listed above, but it would have to go in a certian place. Plus it might never end. This is a glimpse of what my stuff would say. I have other stuff too, but for now they would not say anything...

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