Setting his mug back down, Brian shot a hard look at him. “What? What more do you want from me? No, wait.” Brian held up his palm and closed his eyes. “I think I already asked that this morning and you said you wanted me to sleep with you.” Brian's eyes snapped open to glare at Lukas.
Lukas hiccupped, and couldn't yank his eyes away from the harsh painful glare that Brian directed his way. Brian had never looked like that at him...ever! Had he really been that ignorant towards Brian?
“Well, I did. I gave you what you wanted. I've given you everything I have to give. I’ve given you more than anyone before you and I tried to convey that to you this morning, but you simply turned it around giving me hollowly flattering words, then accusing me when I didn't do everything the way you wanted it done.”
What? What's Brian talking about?, he wondered through his tears.
“How do you expect me to have a relationship with someone as self-centered and inconsiderate as you?” asked Brian.
Silence descended through the room; the only sound Lukas continuing distress. He hated the fact that he was sobbing this hard, and in front of Brian. He wasn't weak! He swallowed a shaky breath as that thought made him breakdown even more. He wasn't weak, but he sure was right now.
“You’re obviously ready to end this, so I’m giving you what you want,” said Brian. “I always give you what you want in the end, don’t I?” Brian paused again. “But now, I have nothing more to give you.” Brian dropped his eyes to the table in front of him. “Go. Just go. I can’t even look at you,” whispered Brian, his voice laced with unnamed pain.
“That's not...I didn't,” sobbed Lukas. When had he said that he wanted this to end? He searched franticly though his memory for anything that Brian could have mistaken for what he seemed to believe as his desire to end the relationship, but came up with nothing.
“I don't want this to be over, Brian!” he cried, taking two faltering steps towards the man seated stiffly in the kitchen. “I want you, I do! Please, Brian...I didn't mean it.” Unable to bear it any longer, he covered his face with his hand and sobbed hard into his palm. Bowing his head, he hid within his hair while is left hand worked over his stomach. The pain was back, sharp and violent, while the rest of him felt numb and tingly.
Lukas dimly heard the cell phone upstairs ringing insistently. On the third ring, Brian's chair scraped along the kitchen floor, and heard him run up the steps to answer. He couldn't stop crying, and he couldn't seem to care. He'd never been attacked like this, where someone he cared about sought to rip his very heart out.
His throat ached with his agony and the tears, more then he'd ever remembered shedding before, fell down on to his face. Maybe...he didn't want him cause he was flawed. He never did try to fix this. He opened his eyes and looked at the palm covering his face. Brian always was looking at his scars.
No. He was grasping at straws. This was too far out there. It didn't make any sense. Drawing in a shaky, meant to be calming, breath, he made himself to calm down. Tears weren't helping. He'd never said anything like what Brian seemed to think he did, he was sure. Brian was being a bastard, and as much as he hated to admit it, Brian never did something without reason.
Brian came back downstairs then, and Lukas let his right hand fall back to his side. Dressed in his uniform with his coat on, he had a roll of toilet paper in one hand. “That was the mayor on the phone. He apparently doesn't care that I'm sick,” said Brian, crossing the room to slap the roll against Lukas’ chest. “I need to go down and meet with the city council downtown and you're coming with me, so stop your sniveling and clean your face.”
Lukas meekly took hold of the roll and sniffled hard. Brian briskly walked back into the kitchen, and scooped up his mug, downing another mouth full before dumping the rest in the sink. He placed the mug on the counter. He could no longer look at Brian as he moved angrily around the kitchen, so he looked down at his feet.
“We'll need to walk over to the company garage and get a car,” Brian said. Lukas could hear him opening and closing drawers. “And drink the damnmilk,” he commanded briskly as he left the kitchen and approached the front door.
Wanting to appease Brian in some way, he sniffled around a ragged breath and went into the kitchen. He stood in front of the small glass, trying to work up the courage to down the vile stuff. With his stomach rolling, he thought he ought to do it now, and if he got sick, he was totally going to blame it on Brian. Picking up the glass, he threw the milk back, trying to not let it touch his tongue. He put the glass back and hurried out into the front room, where Brian was buttoning up his winter coat.
“Brian,” Lukas began hesitantly, his eyes firmly glued to the floor as he stopped behind Brian. He really wanted to reach out and grip the back of Brian's coat and bury his face in Brian's shoulder, but he refrained. He still felt the sting from Brian's harsh words, and couldn't bring himself to look him in the eye until he got his answer. “You're not really going to break up with me, right?” he pleaded.
Brian turned around, and snatched the toilet paper from his loose grip and ripped a few squares off. His chin was tipped upwards, and Brian rubbed the tissue across his still wet cheeks with a little more force than one would think necessary, making him grunt in displeasure. Dropping his hand, Brian turned to the door and threw it open.
“Hurry up. I'm supposed to be at Central Plaza in ten minutes, and we still need to pick up the car.”
“Brian!” badgered Lukas. Brian was not going to get out of answering him, and he had slipped into work mode, calling him by his alias. That was never a good sign. “Talk to me!” he whined. Sniffling, he closed the door behind him. “You can't shut me out!” he called towards the brisk moving man.
He was starting to get angry again. He'd been floored by the way Brian had talked to him. He hadn't been expecting it. Would never have expected something like that to come from Brian! And he was embarrassed that Brian had made him cry so hard and so easily. Brian was already half way down the street, making him have to jog to make up the difference. Now Brian was trying to run away. He wasn't even waiting for him!
“Apparently, Gooding and Phelps are unavailable to drive us,” Brian said as he came trotting up beside him.
“Brian!” Lukas pulled on his arm to make Brian turn and talk to him. Quicker then he would have thought possible for an ‘old’ guy, Brian reversed his hold and snatched his left wrist into a firm grip, dragging him off his feet.
“Brian, slow down, and answer me!” he complained, his feet catching on the sidewalk. Not wanting to end up with road burn, he had to pay attention to the ground momentarily while Brian maintained his hold on his arm.
Brian didn't stop until they were in front of the garage, all the while dragging Lukas behind him. He opened the door with his free hand, and finally released his hold on his arm. As Brian crossed the interior, he said over his shoulder, “What exactly is it that you want me to answer?”
Lukas stepped across the threshold, and looked around. There were a few cars parked in the heated garage, all company-issue black. Straightening his jacket, he ran his fingers through the messy tangle that was his hair. His arm throbbed from where Brian had held on to him, and he rubbed at it absently.
“I want to know about us, and hear that we're not breaking up,” Lukas said, taking another step into the garage, and closing the door. “What else is there?”
Brian walked back around the back of the cars, and pulled open the door to the driver's side of his assigned vehicle. “Get in,” he ordered, and sat in the car, closing the door.
Brian was avoiding answering him. That couldn't be a good sign. He frowned at the man through the windshield for a moment before he decided that, at least if he went, he could have it out with him and he wouldn't be able to run away anymore. Lukas stomped over to the passenger side and got in, slamming the door. Folding his left leg under him, he turned on the bench seat and glared at Brian's profile. “And?” he bit out.
“And put on your seatbelt,” Brian said, putting the car in gear.
Lukas frowned. Brian was being such a jerk! And an prick, a bastard, bloody pea-sized—his internal name calling festival was cut short when Brian jerked the car in reverse and cursed mightily under his breath before he could get the car in the correct gear and pulled out of the garage. So intent was he that he didn't even think about teasing Brian about his mistake.
Bracing the dashboard, he glared at Brian's profile, no way was he going to walk all over him! “Stop stalling and tell me the truth! Tell me you don't have feelings for me, huh! I know, you've never said that you love me!” I can't believe that I even considered telling you that I might be in love with you! thought Lukas, but there was no way he was going to say that now after all that Brian had said to him.
It was painfully obvious that Brian had so little regard for him that he thought that he could treat him however he liked. Well he wasn't going to make him cry anymore! In fact, maybe that was why he wasn't allowed to sleep over more than one night. Maybe Brian had been seeing other people as well...
“You're just looking for some toy, that you can treat however you like, without having to think about my feelings or emotions,” ranted Lukas. He griped the back of the bench seat with his left hand as Brian took a turn a little too fast, making him brace harder against the inertia. “I'm sure you've been all over the whole time, haven't you!” His voice rose as he let all his hurt and confusion come out in his attack.
“I can't believe I ever THOUGHT that I had strong emotions for you, you bastard! And you tried to use Seb against me! How the hell could you do that to me? To ME! You know how hard I've worked to right that mistake, and you causally throw it in my face!” He flicked his hand in front of his face, and threw a disgusted glare at the man behind the wheel.
Without turning, Brian said as he drove, “That’s right. I’ve never had feelings for you. I just wanted a good time. That’s why I’ve kept you around all this time. Because, we both know how difficult it is for me to find someone.”
He grit his teeth as Brian once again threw his past in his face, and his eyes narrowed even further in response. Maybe he should go out and **** anything that moved and see how Brian liked it. That would show him! It wasn't at all nice to know that someone you cared about was testing the waters elsewhere. It made him seethe. If Brian wasn't driving...
“Very brilliant deduction on your part. It just makes perfect sense that I would keep you of all people as a pet while I went out with the rest of the town,” said Brian. No longer was he the picture of calm and control, now he burned hot with vicious sarcasm. “Good job. You’re so brilliant. Now I see how you passed school.” Brian shook his head and pulled the car sharply to the left.
Lukas glanced quickly out the front of the car as Brian recklessly maneuvered the car around a large pothole in the street. Wasn't Brian a bad driver...? He was starting to get slightly worried and began to tune out what Brian was saying as he watched the road with apprehension.
“But at least you’ve finally voiced the truth about you wanting to end this. And as for your brother,” said Brian, pausing to slam his foot on the car break. The suddenness of it caused Lukas' lower half to slide off the seat and under the dash. He pulled himself up and out, and looked up to see a street light shining red. He cast a worried glance across the car at Brian and wondered if maybe he should just jump out now before Brian did something.
-more later this week!-
And now, to some extras.....
Timbervale International Airport: Terminal B
I-76 Bridge w/ Gay Pride Decorations
The Starlight Restaurant and Lounge
Central Plaza Memorial Park