Schulmanator: He actually might be this time! All thanks to Bruce Campbel- I mean, Coyote Versus!
SimRico: Aw, I was going more for Saturday Morning Cartoons. But then again those haven't been around for a while, have they? Am I dating myself? Ah well.
PREVIOUSLY on The Best Defense: In an effort to prevent Morning Angel from escaping, Titus and Sensational Girl are at Fort Mison with a team of Best Defense HQ engineers trying to reinforce the Universal Power Neutralizers. Cosmette and Juliet were sent back to HQ but before they could make it, Halloran and his Offenders attacked! Oh, and then known scoundrel and massive pain in the backside Coyote Versus showed up. I wonder what he wants?
At the dark East Bank HS football stadium behind the East Bank Library...
Cosmette: Don't shoot him, Coyote Versus!
Juliet: Suibijo, not in my town!
Juliet pointed at the villainess. Suibijo, looking ready to flood the entire park, popped out of existence, and Cosmette stopped in midair to look at Juliet in surprise.
Cosmette: Where did you put her?!
Juliet suddenly looked fatigued.
Juliet: She's... uh, in the Breaker Islands.
Coyote Versus: Nice, now we can talk comfortably.
Coyote Versus put the other of his six-shooters away. He still kept the other pressed against Halloran's head.
Coyote Versus: I think by now that you should have called the Power Unit. They'll be here any moment, right?
Cosmette and Juliet got within ten feet of Coyote Versus and stopped.
Cosmette: What's your game this time, Versus? What do you want?
Coyote Versus: I'm your newest Defender.
Cosmette was taken aback.
Cosmette: Newest Defender?!
And Juliet burst out in laughter.
Juliet: Hahahahahaha! You? A Defender? Oh my god! Hahahah!
Coyote Versus: What? What's so funny? I'm perfectly capable of being a Defender, my street cred alone should be enough-
Halloran: Shut up and let me go, you fool.
Coyote Versus: My, my, must you be such a cliché, Halloran?
Coyote Versus took a moment from being defensive towards the Defenders to be annoyed by Halloran.
Coyote Versus: Honestly, though, this whole fight has been FULL of clichés... Whatever. You'd think a man from the future would be more... I don't know, clever or something. Fool? Come on, Halloran.
Juliet: Future? What do you mean, future?
Halloran: Whatever he says, he's lying!
Halloran's shout earned himself a poke in his head from Coyote Versus' special six-shooter.
Coyote Versus: Shush, it's not your turn to talk! He sure does like to talk, doesn't he?
Cosmette: Get to the point, Versus!
Versus was starting to remind Cosmette of Pierce with his sarcastic attitude, and had begun to encroach on her nerves.
Coyote Versus: Alright, fine, but concerning dear Halloran here, do you know about his past?
Cosmette: He's a mercenary, probably American or Canadian, and he's not only after money, but challenges, too.
Juliet: Yup, and he's supposed to be great at tactics and using weapons, which we saw first-hand a few times. He's just not as good as us, apparently.
Coyote Versus: Apparently, heh heh heh. Bet that makes you mad, you angry little guy, you.
Halloran: Shut up, Versus.
Halloran growled at him, his teeth bared in anger that tried to cover up the fear that he was beginning to reek of.
Coyote Versus: But, no, you're both kinda wrong. Yeah, he's supposed to be a master tactician and highly skilled in using weapons, but that only appears to be the case because he's from the future, and he uses his knowledge of our era of history to put himself in advantageous situations, and the weapons and toys he's brought with him from the future make him look totally awesome.
Versus stopped talking and looked down at the man.
Coyote Versus: They always thought you were a badass, Halloran. I'm sorry to have to break their hearts this way.
Halloran: Lies! All lies! All of it!
Cosmette: Versus, why should we trust you? You're a villain, too!
Cosmette was feeling very irritated that she was having to deal with these two villains instead of letting Titus or (even better) Fearless do it instead.
Coyote Versus: I'm actually not. I was a bounty hunter, but my coworker was a complete idiot and kept sending me out on jobs that made it look like I was a bad guy. I got a little money out of it, still, but... It's apparent you guys need help, and I truly am every bit the badass Halloran thinks he is.
Halloran: I'm not putting up with this anymore!
Halloran suddenly slapped the pistol away and jumping up to uppercut Versus. Versus, however, was not taken by surprise at all, easily dodging the hasty punch and kicking Halloran's feet out from under him before he could land back on the ground, slamming instead face-first into the grass. Versus put his boot between Halloran's shoulders and re-aimed his gun at the back of the prostrate man's skull.
Coyote Versus: Under normal circumstances I'd have killed you already and dumped your body off at Fort Mison, but I'm trying to impress our lady friends here. Now, was I lying? Or are you a failed warlord from the future using your knowledge of our past for personal gain?
Halloran growled into the dirt, then turned his head and sputtered.
Halloran: Ye- Uh, yes, he's right... How did you find out? I hid the chronal energies from even Cosmette's powers.
Cosmette peered more closely at the man.
Cosmette: Wow, now that he says that, I can completely see it. You have something like that about you, too, Versus.
Coyote Versus: Because I'm not from around here, either.
Versus looked around the park as the blue and red lights of the Power Unit started flashing around them. He noticed Super Pecs and Neko-Blaster were still unconscious, and he smiled at Cosmette and her powers.
Coyote Versus: Now, I'm pretty tired of spouting expository lines of boring dialogue, you wanna accept me onto your team so I can become the one-liner machine you've always dreamed of? I did my homework. I got so many prepared.
Juliet: Oh, jeez, does everyone in this business have to be completely bonkers?
Coyote Versus: Officers, Halloran is here! Cosmette and Juliet took down Super Pecs and Neko-Blaster, and I think Suibijo is somewhere to our south.
Power Unit Officer #2: Coyote Versus?!
Cosmette: Yeah, we were surprised, too. But he was here helping us, and-
Coyote Versus: And I'm the newest Defender.
He grinned, holstering his sidearm and helping them put Halloran on his feet. There would be no easy escape for the man this time.
Juliet: What? He is not! He's a bad guy, too! He fought us a buncha times! I'm not gonna forget, I had a bruise on my butt for a week because of his stupid... fighting... grr... boots!
Coyote Versus: Aw, Juliet, we were becoming such close friends! Why can't you just put the past behind you, and accep-
Juliet: You're as much of a Defender as Halloran is!
Cosmette: Uh, Juliet, let's-
Cosmette had stepped towards Juliet to put her hand on her should but Juliet slapped it away.
Juliet: Let's arrest him right now, too!
She then turned and pointed threateningly at Versus.
Juliet: You are a bad, bad man!
Coyote Versus: You're darn right I am.
Juliet: Go away!
Just before he disappeared, Cosmette was surprised to see him give Juliet a flat, emphatic look, as though he completely expected that and was prepared for just such an eventuality. Sure enough, mere seconds later, he was gliding through the air overhead, that cocky smile right back on his face. He landed right in front of Juliet purposefully and then his smile turned sickeningly sweet.
Coyote Versus: Friends, babe?
Juliet stared back, her eyes wide with surprise.
Juliet: How did- I mean I sent you-
Coyote Versus: Away, right? I know how your powers work.
He gave her a knowing smile. He then looked at Cosmette and his expression turned more uncertain.
Coyote Versus: You're something more mysterious, though... I can help you with them, you know. If you want. I'd have to be a Defender though, with access to your facilities and technology, and I can bring some of my own, and-
Juliet: And nothing! No! That's the answer, Versus! No!
Cosmette: Juliet, he seems sincere.
They both looked at him, catching the completely devious look on his face.
Cosmette: Versus, I'm trying to defend you! Can't you at least make it look like you're not trying to trick us?!
Coyote Versus: Sorry, Cosie, it's in my DNA, I can't help it. I can call you Cosie, right? Since we're becoming friends? Right?
Power Unit Officer #2: Uh, Cosmette, we have Halloran, Super Pecs, and Neko-Blaster neutralized. Is there anything else you need?
Juliet: Yes! Take this joker, too!
The officer eyed the ex-bounty hunter warily.
Power Unit Officer #2: Uh...
Cosmette: No! No, we've got this under control.
Juliet: Cosmette, what are-
Cosmette: Juliet, he said he can help me with my powers, I believe him. Besides, I'm not really feeling up to dealing with a fight with Coyote Versus. Are you? Do you want to fight him?
Coyote Versus: Yeah, babe, do you want to fight me?
The two girls looked up to see Versus had invited himself into their discussion.
Coyote Versus: What?
Juliet cast a dark glare at Versus.
Juliet: Officer, thank you, we'll see you later.
After the Power Unit left, Juliet looked at Cosmette and said,
Juliet: I sure do hope you know what you're doing.
Cosmette: Everything he's said to us tonight has been true, I can see it. He stopped Halloran from killing me, and I want to keep him close to see what he's really up to.
Coyote Versus: Oh, I'll stay close, I'm your newest teammate. Do you guys have food at your tower? Fights always make me emaciated. What do you call your tower? Is it the Defender-Cave? Defenders' Mansion? The Baxter Building? The Love Boat?
Juliet: Please, shut up, Versus...
Juliet looked back at Cosmette.
Juliet: I'll see you back at HQ.
With that, she was in the air, zooming towards The Cliffs.
Coyote Versus: That wasn't very friendly. I thought we were about to become friends.
Cosmette: She's, uh... She's just sensitive. But I am going out on a limb for you, so you better not be lying about this whole thing.
Coyote Versus: No, one thing I've learned in this business is that you do NOT, under ANY circumstances, lie to the chick with the cosmic powers. Magical chicks, dudes in armor, even hulks, I'd be able to lie my ass off to, but cosmic-powered chicks? Cosmic-powered dudes? No. Nope, no ways, no hows.
Cosmette: Alright. I'll have to talk to Titus and Sensational Girl-
Coyote Versus: Sensational Girl? Who's Sensational Girl?
Cosmette: She's a cosmic-powered, um, chick, too.
Coyote Versus: Oh great, two cosmic-powered chicks on one team?
Cosmette: And we're friends with Gragus.
Coyote Versus: Well, Gragus is one of my homeys-
Cosmette: No, he's not.
Coyote Versus: See? You can't lie to a cosmic-powered chick.
Cosmette finally cracked a smile and, despite herself, found that she had actually started liking him. Her face turned serious again when she thought about going back to HQ and dealing with Juliet again.
Cosmette: Well, let's get back to HQ, you can stay at least tonight, and I'll talk to Titus and Sensational Girl when they get back, but it should be alright.
Cosmette: I hope...