Why hello, there. I've reposted this update because I accidentally published a draft I made... a couple days before publishing it... so it got all buried.
Pinedale is constantly voted as the happiest suburb in the entire city, because of the beautiful coast, majestic pine trees, shopping outlets and family-run businesses. It's the perfect place to raise kids and have a family. In contrast with the rest of San Lorenzo, which consists mostly either of working class or a tiny percentage of wealthy people, Pinedale is a mostly middle-class suburb.
Anyway, I, Tony Bushowitz, am going to Pinedale to report on some crime activity there.
Tony: "Okay Ralph, remember to go across the Sandolito Bridge."
Ralph: "I'M NOT STUPID, Tony."
Ralph: "I don't like you acting so condescending."
Tony: "Sorry.... geez."
Ralph: "Let's turn on the radio."
Radio: "This is K-12 ALT. We play songs that are by far superior to popular hits. Then, we play those songs over and over again until you go nuts."
Ralph: "What's with you?"
Tony: "Sorry, these kinds of songs just makes me cry."
Ralph: "I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT I'M HEARING!"
Tony: "Shut up! You cry every time they play '80s power ballads."
Ralph: "WHAT? Who told you that?"
Tony: "Oh, I heard it from a coworker."
Tony: "You know, I was going to be a police officer."
Tony: "Yeah, but then I accidentally bumped into a cop once and caused the handcuffs on a convicted arsonist to break free."
Tony: "Indeed... I hear he's still on the run somewhere. Probably in Redwood wanting to burn down the capitol building. He hated Senator Honeybucket."
Ralph: "Did you get in trouble?"
Tony: "Did I? I spent the night in jail. It was awful."
Tony: "Okay, we're in Pinedale. We're just very lost.... in a very nice neighborhood if I do say so."
Ralph: "This place is ritzy! The closest thing we have to a driveway in my neighborhood is the alley that goes behind my neighbor's house."
Tony: "There's the mall! pull over!"
Several minutes later...
Tony: "Hi, I'm Tony Bushowitz with New Loreto News. I'm here at the Pinedale Shopping Center where a shooting took place in the food court, injuring several people. Here on my right is a witness to the crime, Mitch Willows.
Mitch: "It was HORRIFYING! I saw the crazy man flip out at the ChickenTacoLand because they wouldn't add extra Super Spicy Salsa on it. He pulled out a gun and started randomly shooting people, screaming 'I WANT CHICKEN. I WANT TACOS. I WANT CHICKENTACOLAND!' -you know, like on the commercials."
Tony: "That sounds terrifying!"
Mitch: "It was! I was so scared, I dropped by double fudge sundae and spilled it all over my shirt. What a waste of 3 bucks!"
Tony: "I also spoke with a local criminal, who was shocked and disappointed by the event."
Criminal: "What a shame. This town has always been so quiet, with only silent crimes happening. I mean, when I rob a home, it's usually quietly at night time while the homeowner's family is on vacation in Acapulco. I'd never go so low as to random cause a ruckus in a shopping center."
Tony: "As you heard, it was a horrific, and slightly idiotic crime. ....um, back to the studio."
Maybe Pinedale isn't THAT happy. Any town with an emo clothing store next to a flea market isn't as happy at all. Not to mention all of the small businesses in the "downtown" area are being plucked out, one by one, to be replaced by an extension to the shopping center.