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A Nonny Moose

Quote of the Day

1,224 posts in this topic

you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view.

Obi Wan Kenobi

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A cow is a completely automated milk-manufacturing machine. It is encased

in untanned leather and mounted on four vertical, movable supports, one at

each corner. The front end of the machine, or input, contains the cutting

and grinding mechanism, utilizing a unique feedback device. Here also are

the headlights, air inlet and exhaust, a bumper and a foghorn.

At the rear, the machine carries the milk-dispensing equipment as

well as a built-in flyswatter and insect repeller. The central portion

houses a hydro- chemical-conversion unit. Briefly, this consists of four

fermentation and storage tanks connected in series by an intricate network

of flexible plumbing. This assembly also contains the central heating plant

complete with automatic temperature controls, pumping station and main

ventilating system. The waste disposal apparatus is located to the rear of

this central section.

Cows are available fully-assembled in an assortment of sizes and

colors. Production output ranges from 2 to 20 tons of milk per year. In

brief, the main external visible features of the cow are: two lookers, two

hookers, four stander-uppers, four hanger-downers, and a swishy-wishy.

Author unknown -- found in my database.
Fantozzi and 7238320 like this

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God loved the birds and invented trees.

Man loved the birds and invented cages.

-- Jacques Deval

Fantozzi likes this

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Reputation is what other people know about you,

Honor is what you know about yourself.

Aral Vorkosigan

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The Peter Principle:

In any hierarchy, the individual rises to his level of incompetence.

Lawrence J. Peter.

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I used to rock and roll all night and party every day.

Then it was every other day...

now I'm lucky to find half an hour a week in which to get funky

Homer Simpson

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Never try to outstubborn a cat.

-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love" (Robert A. Heinlien)

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The Buddha, the Godhead, resides quite as comfortably in the circuits of a

digital computer or the gears of a cycle transmission as he does at the top

of a mountain or in the petals of a flower. To think otherwise is to demean

the Buddha -- which is to demean oneself.

-- Robert Pirsig, "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance"

Alejandro24 likes this

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If an S and an I and an O and a U

With an X at the end spell Su;

And an E and a Y and an E spell I,

Pray what is a speller to do?

Then, if also an S and an I and a G

And an HED spell side,

There's nothing much left for a speller to do

But to go commit siouxeyesighed.

-- Charles Follen Adams, "An Orthographic Lament"

-- a comment on English Orthography (Spelling)

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I predict future happiness for Americans

if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people

under the pretense of taking care of them.

Thomas Jefferson

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I place economy among the first and most important virtues, and public debt as

the greatest of dangers to be feared. To preserve our independence, we must

not let our rulers load us with perpetual debt. If we run into such debts, we

must be taxed in our meat and drink, in our necessities and in our comforts,

in our labor and in our amusements. If we can prevent the government from

wasting the labour of the people, under the pretense of caring for them, they

will be happy.

-- Thomas Jefferson

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Military secrets are the most fleeting of all.

-- Spock, "The Enterprise Incident", stardate 5027.4

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the only thing that helps me maintain my slender grip on reality

is the friendship I share with my collection of singing potatoes

Holly The Computer

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When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened

or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I

cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to

go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.

-- Mark Twain

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I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade...

And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

Ron White

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Not a shred of evidence exists in favour of the idea that life is serious.

-- Brendan Gill

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Who loves me will also love my dog.

-- John Donne

AND

If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would

have made them cute and furry.

-- Dave Barry


  Edited by A Nonny Moose

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I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I've ever known.

-- Walt Disney

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While it may be true that a watched pot never boils, the one you don't

keep an eye on can make an awful mess of your stove.

-- Edward Stevenson

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"You must have a flashlight in your pocket or you are awfully glad to see me"

Mae West to W.C. Fields.

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It is ridiculous to call this an industry. This is not. This is rat eat

rat, dog eat dog. I'll kill 'em, and I'm going to kill 'em before they

kill me. You're talking about the American way of survival of the fittest.

-- Ray Kroc, founder of McDonald's

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Each success only buys an admission ticket to a more difficult problem.

-- Henry Kissinger.

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Humanity is acquiring all the right technology for all the wrong reasons.

--R Buckminster Fuller

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